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Where I use my free time to review comics, and attempt not to spoil them. Also, James Van Der Beek shows up at times.
Peter Milligan, Fernando Blanco, and Scott Koblish
"The Area of Madness"- I hate this series. Its dumb. And if you thought my last entry was brief, you aint seen nothin' yet.
Summary: We open up to Shade trying to bring Amethyst back to life as June Moone, the Enchantress' split personality, is keeping Shade calm. Zatanna, now in biker gear and 3% of her clothes shows up with a Trigon infested Raven, and Mindwarp, the astral projection guy. They all want to kill Shade and June, but June turns into Enchantress and knocks them all back. Raven and Mindwarp begin psychic attacks on the witch, but Shade stops them, in fear they will hurt June. Their "soul selves" are temporarily stone, and Enchantress uses this chance to destroy the statues. This makes the two bodies of the heroes explode, killing them. Zatanna uses a death spell which kills Enchantress, but also kills Zatanna in the process. Enchantress stands up and states that it was June who died, not her and now taht she's free, she is off to see her real friends, leaving Shade in a room with the bodies of his team, and he descends into madness. Enchantress is shown meeting with Wonder Woman's aunt, Penthesilia, where she is paid by the Amazons, and tasked with joining a new team and killing them (see the Flashpoint #4 for that info). Shade is shown inside the madness where his vest brings him back to life.
Highs: Its over.
Lows: Everything in this book is utter crap, and this is by far the worst series.
Verdict: D. Only reason this book doesn't fail is because it is not really redundant like some of the other books in the Flashpoint series. However, the whole plot where the Amazons tasked Enchantress to kill a group of incompetent and semimagical people who never really seem to care about the Amazon War... it seems really dumb. But anyway, moving on...
Deathstroke and the Curse of Ravager #3
Jimmy Palmiotti, Tony Shasteen, and Alex Massacci
"The Treasure" Pirate Deathstroke is trying to save his kidnapped daughter, pretty much explains it.
Summary: After saving Jenny Blitz from Warlord, and her blowing up the guy's ship fleet, Deathstroke makes her an offer to have his share of the treasure they find for her help. Also, after a really awkward moment where she compliments how fatherly he is, Deathstroke kisses her, and they have sex. Awkward... and I'm going to pass on the obligatory "pirate getting booty" joke. None of this goes over well with the crew and they plan a mutiny. Two soldiers that remain loyal to Deathstroke are killed, and the ghost that one of them, Briggs, talks to sees the murder of her friend and warns Deathstroke. He puts his mission on hold while he goes and kills the mutineers with Jenny. After killing them all, including evicerating Eel and Jenny blowing up Icicle's head, only Sonar remains. After telling them that he made a deal with Caretaker, the man who created Jenny, he will be free and Deathstroke will die. So Deathstroke shoots him in the face and kills him. Caretaker arrives with Rose tied to the mast, and while Jenny goes on about how she'll never be captive to someone again, Deathstroke knocks her out. Deathstroke offers a trade for the two girls, and says that if he tries anything funny, two thermal nukes will blow and take Caretaker's fleet out. Hard to argue with that deal, so Ravager is released as Deathstroke brings the tube holding Jenny over. He adds to the deal once he sees his daughter is safe, that his ship needs to get a safe distance away before, and in exchange he'll turn himself in as he's worth 100 times what his daughter is. Unable to argue with this deal either, they let Rose sail away safely. Once she's safe, Deathstroke goes nuts and starts attacking Caretaker's crew, and sets off the thermal nukes, which is actually just opening Jenny's pod. Massive death and explosions occur, including Caretaker's execution at Deathstroke's hands, and Deathstroke sinks beneath the water and waits to die. He awakens back on his ship where Jenny and Rose have saved him. They all hug as a new family and sail off into the sunset. Another happy ending...
Highs: Art's great and I've always been a Deathstroke fan.
Lows: That being said, I feel like they are trying to cram too much stuff in for a single issue.
Verdict: B+. I still don't get the title. It doesn't seem like the Ravager ship is cursed beyond having a bad track record for its crew staying alive. Also, the whole story is leading up to a finale where just luck solved all the problems and mission. But the book was surprisingly not a bad read.
Frankenstein and the Creatures of the Unknown #3
Jeff Lemire, Andy Smith, Keith Champagne
"Our Frightening Forces" This has definitely been the standout series that surprised me at how much I enjoyed it. Monsters from WWII fight against the military... good times.
Summary: We open to a lab in 1940 where a sick soldier is given a miracle drug and it turns him into a werewolf. Jumping tot he present where he is dying from a silver bullet would, Griff the werewolf is running out of blood. The recently arrived Bride of Frankentstein wants to enlist Frank to join SHADE and go fight the Aqua-zon war, but he refuses until they can find the scientist to help Griff and the others. The Bride also informs the monster hunter Shrieve that it wasn't just the creatures that killed her family, but her boss, General Adams, that ordered the kill. Shrieve chooses to join the team and head to Romania, but, using the GI Robot's camera eyes, Adams has seen the map of where the scientist is hiding out. Arriving at the hidden village, the streets are littered with the dead bodies of werewolves and vampires. Velcoro the vampire, attempts to run but is stabbed through the chest by another GI Robot. The Frankenstein monsters take on the robot while Nina and Shrieve try and get Griff to the castle and to safety. The scientist, now dressed as a mummy for no discernable reason, rushes outside and explains as he tries to help Griff that Nina was never a normal girl, but a creature from the village that the scientist stole. He finally manages to give Griff something to help him, and the werewolf passes out. Jumping back out to the robot battle outside, the sun has started to come up, and the Franks are losing. Luckily Velcoro jumps on the creature and begins ripping out its circuits, as the sun is burning him up. Finally, Frank cuts the robots head off, and Velcoro falls and begins to turn to ash, smiling that he had finally stopped being a coward. Jumping back inside, we see that Griff has finally returned to a normal state. Though normal, he still loves Nina, and the two share an embrace as the Franks and Shrieve head out into the sunset to join SHADE in the war in Europe.
Highs: This was a fun story that never let me down. It also kept away from the Aquazon war, which is incredibly tiring to constantly hear about. The art was good, and the characters are almost all new, and they really make me want to read more of them. Really looking forward to the new series.
Lows: Only problem is that its not long enough. Really wish there was more here.
Verdict: A. Solid book with solid writing. Can't ask for much more.
Emporer Aquaman #3
Tony Bedard, Vincente Cifuentes, and Diana Egea
Untitled but should have been called "Jesus is to Blame" You'll see why momentarily, as this book takes place, almost entirely in the past.
Summary: Wonder Woman has arrived on Aquaman's ship, not to fight, but to warn him that his brother Orm, and her aunt Penthesilia are in cahoots to start and continue the war. The whole thing doesn't make any sense really, which I'll get to momentarily. Aquaman agrees that the two must be brought to justice, BUT FIRST, they must fight to the death, and whoever lives, will take on the traitors. As the two fight like friggin' idiots, Orm sets off a bomb with Penthesilia, that blows up the entire Atlantean fleet except Aquaman's boat. Vulko, Aquaman's head scientist, believes this to be the Amazon's doing and sets off their Geo Force bomb which shakes the earth's core and will destroy it. Then Vulko's ship explodes. Believing it all to be a trap, Aquaman goes back to trying to kill Winder Woman. He is left with a choice: kill the woman who killed his wife or to stop the machine that will kill every living person on earth. So of course, he chases after Wonder Woman. So if you are wondering where my title came from? The issue is narrated throughout with Aquaman discussing that if he had gotten the exposure he needed from his father with the Christian faith, he never would have been this way. But since he didn't now he's this way. I was not expecting a book about a make-believe warrior king of a race of undersea people out for revenge against the ruler of an island of Amazon women with invisible planes to end with such a strong endorsement of Jesus Christ.
Highs: The art here isn't bad.
Lows: Everything else. Characters are cardboard, story is weak, and we don't know anything more from anythign else.
Verdict: C-. Its a boring story that doesn't make sense. Not to get off on a rant here, but... Whose side exactly are Penthesilea and Ocean Master on in the first place? Like, is he betraying the Atlanteans for her? Because blowing up all Atlantis' ships does not seem like a good move even if he secretly seeks to take his brother's throne. Why not just blow up the ship Aquaman is on? If he has betrayed Atlantis for the Amazons' cause, why are the Amazons upset with him and holding him prisoner? Shouldn't they be happy he just pushed a button that made all their enemies explode? Are both of them betraying their own people? Why? On whose behalf? Why have these two conspiratorial geniuses crafted a scheme that has resulted in the deaths of untold numbers of their own people and, in the Amazons' case, the destruction of their homeland? What exactly are they gaining from this? It's pretty close to the end, shouldn't we know that by now?
Deadman and the Flying Graysons #3
JT Krul and Farbrizio Fiorintino
"Death in the Family" Can we all agree that this should be called Deadman and the Dying Graysons? Mary died in the last issue and his father is dying at the beginning. Everyone's just dropping like flies.
Summary: We open to John Grayson dying, asking Boston to look after his son, but Deadman doesn't seem interested. The group, now consisting of Dick, Deadman, Ragdoll, and Count Vertigo, is trying to decide what to do with the Helmet of Fate. Dick decides to get the helmet out of town, and of course, everyone goes with him. As they run through that attacking Amazon hordes, Ragdoll is grabbed and then crushed to pieces, and Vertigo is then stabbed though by another Amazon, leaving only Boston and Dick. The two run through the city, and eventually a wall comes down on top of them and the enemy Starfire. Deadman stands up afterward and tries to help Dick up and save him, but its no use. Boston Brand is the one who's dead. We get a great moment, and possibly the only moment of a character shouting "Nooo" beside their own dead body:
Dick continues running and getz to an oil tanker, and releases the valve, covering the whole area with flammable liquid. The tanker blows after Starfire attacks Dick, killing the princess and several Amazons. Boston possesses Dick and helps him make the jump escape, and as the teen rolls, he lands at the feet of Brittaina, leader of the Resistance. She is joined by Kid Devil and... I won't lie... I literally got goosebumps at this sight:
Yeah, that's my guy. The Vic Sage version of the Question. I pray that the reboot will return him to life and his heroic role. If that's the case, all of this was worth it. Anyway, Dick puts on the helmet and becomes the new Doctor Fate and Deadman promises never to leave Dick's side.
Highs: Did you see the Question? Boosh. Also, I think this was a great, though fairly predicatble story.
Lows: It sucked seeing so many good characters bite it, but that's Flashpoint for you. Also the art seems really water-y
Verdict: A-. While its a great story with a lot of options, I found that it was just ok, but in the upper tier storywise, compared to some others.
Citizen Cold #3
Scott Kollins
"Cold Hearted" Captain Cold is not a good good guy. Like this whole series is about how he is secretly this bad guy masquerading as a hero, but he really is just scummy... not sure why he's criminal background is such a mystery. Anyway, here goes the final issue where everyone gets some form of revenge.
Summary: We open to Cold lying on Iris West's couch, passed out from the rough beating he took in the last issue from the survivng rogues who killed his sister. Iris finds herself strangely attracted to the "hero," but cant resist finding out who he really is. In a surprise to no one, he's actually Leonard Snart, criminal who murdered his gang for turning against him. Whiel horrified, she still doesn't do anything with this knowledge. She tehn finds taht he has two tickets to Dubai, for him and for her. He wakes up as she discovers the tickets, and has no idea how he got into her apartment. He also gets really paranoid as his glasses have come off, revealing his face. He asks if he can trust her, and when she says yes, he kisses her as hard as he can, though she pushes him away. He says he has some final business, but he loves her, and if she ever wants to see him again, to meet him at an address and hands her some keys. She sits to breathe, staring at a picture of her now dead nephew, Wally. Meanwhile, in the sewers, Piper has survived Cold's trap, and is plannign to go after the villain for killign his best friend, Wally. We catch back up with the rogues who are still reelign from their escape from Cold. Mirror Master, still trapped in mirrors, is slowly losing his mind; Weather Wizard wants to break Cold and find out what he did to his brother; Tarpit, who apparently in this reality is a teenager just wants to break stuff; Fallout wants to avenge his friend Mr. Freeze; and near as I can tell, Axel the Trixter is just there for the fun of it. Trixter shows Tarpit his new ride, and hooks the monster up with his stereo. As Tarpit is too busy with the music, he doesn't hear Cold come up on him, freeze him and then shatter him to pieces. He pulls a similar trick on Fallout, and kicks his frozen body into a generator, smashing it to pieces. While Weather Wizard is creating a tornado and screaming abotu his brother, Cold tells him that his brother was the one that paid Cold to kill the Weather Wizard. Before he can respond, Cold snaps his neck, and begins to leave, but gets sucked into mirror world. He sees Trixter's body inside, cracked like a mirror, and Mirror Master explains taht he knew Axel was the traitor the whole time. Cold has about 30 seconds before he dies liek Axel, but he manages to pushes Mirror Master through one of his own portals, where he will die in the surface world. Finally succeeding in his mission, Cold slumps off, soliloquizing that in anotehr life these guys could have been his team (WINK WINK, READER). Making it to his apartment, he finds Iris inside, and she is crying. He rushes to her side and she asks him point blank if he killed Wally. Before he can respond, Piper shows up and the two have a battle. In it, Cold admits to killing Wally, and before he can kill Piper, Iris shoots Cold at close range with his own gun, freezing him, and presumably killing him.
Highs: I'm a huge fan of the rogues and stuff liek this is an excellent treatment of an alternate universe. The art is gritty, but it works with the tone of the book.
Lows: I was kind of hoping for... something more here. I don't know what exactly... just expecting more.
Verdict: B+. Its not the strongest series by far, but its a solid title that never dealt with the Aquazon war which is a blessing.
Wonder Woman and the Furies #3
Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning, Agustin Padilla, and Jose Aviles
"Cataclysm" We pick up almost exactly where the Aquaman book leaves off, as the Geo Force weapon is activated, and England is being ripped apart.
Summary: Terra uses her powers to try and stop her brother's powers, but she's not having a lot of luck, but she manages to raise England up... wait... what? They already did that, right? Turns out that this is a fakeout without a time stamp, and we cut to now. As Terra is sitting by a fountain, Orm and Siren have arrived (in their attack from Emp. Aq. #1) to kill her, but Penthesilia arrives and kills Siren, as Orm and she kiss. Wonder Woman stumbles onto this sight and she figures out their treachery. She beats Orm up and fights her aunt to a standstill when the furies arrive and show Wonder Woman the broadcast from Lois Lane. Lane reports that the Amazons are acting like the Nazis, with camps, torture, etc. Diana, unable to figure out what to do in thsi war situation, is an idiot and asks her captive aunt what to do. So Wonder Woman goes to the fight from the Emp Aq #3 issue while we get the seismic bomb going off after Orm blows the ships. As Orm and Penthesilia fight the Amazon and Furie guards, they, and this is out loud, talk about how they met, and why they were such a good team. This is beyond ridiculous and reads like a clip show.. Don't believe me? Try this piece:
Ridiculous... So, they defeat the guards and discuss who they will marry and form a warrior union to rule the world. Then they stand and watch Aquaman and Wonder Woman fight, which ends with, all the heroes showing up... which happened in Flashpoint 4 (scroll up to the top). So we learned nothing in this issue beyond why those two traitors were hooking up... which context clues answered in the beginning.
Highs: The art was very good... which makes sense because there are three of them.
Lows: The story is repetitive and pedantic... Just boring.
Verdict: C-. At least with Aquaman we got something new... and we found out religion could have saved the sea king. With Diana... we just know that she can't think for herself. Which is a shame.