Clara, Marvel Universe vs. Wolverine 4, and Darwing Duck 16

The Guild: Clara

This won’t be long, I promise. I like Clara, I really do, but she’s not strong enough to have a title all to herself or to hold up an entire story. Once again, we have a prequel tale from before any of the group met each other face to face. Clara has just recently moved into her new house, and hasn’t done any unpacking or any taking care of the children. This drives her husband crazy, which should come as no surprise to anyone. So, one day, her husband can’t take it anymore and takes her internet equipment and leaves the house and refuses to give any of it back until she cleans one room of their house. Faced with actual responsibility and three kids she has minimal interaction with, Clara starts to lose it and think back to her childhood. Apparently, she was the granddaughter of a government operative or spy because there are a lot of action sequences that she seems oblivious to. She ends up in France for a while, where the only chuckle of the comic shows up. She goes on to recount how her and her husband met and descriptions of the drunken events that led to the births of each of her kids. The husband comes home and they all laugh at how things have changed and he just gives her back the internet stuff. The following day, she shows her husband the cleaned room and he is so overjoyed that he’s going to make a great dinner as soon he gets out of his shower. Those of you with common sense or who have ever seen a sitcom or cartoon before know the ending: all the room’s crap is in the bathroom now.
Verdict: D+. Above and beyond, this was the worst Guild comic, and if this was the only exposure I had to the series, it would turn me off completely. The art is pretty standard, so it’s not bad, but this whole thing is just beyond boring and cliché.

Marvel Universe vs. Wolverine

On the other end of the spectrum, we are given a look at a series that we knew wouldn’t have a happy ending, and somehow manages to surprise me in the way things are going down. A lot of stuff is pretty clear if you’ve read the MU vs. Punisher series, but I have to say that I was thoroughly surprised by 80% of the issue. When we last left Wolverine, he had his arm bitten off by the Hulk, who is now wearing it as a trophy. Wolverine soon loses consciousness, only to wake up in a bunker with the Punisher, Captain America, Black Panther, and of course, Deadpool. They come up with a plan to stall the Hulk and his army for as long as they can, so the scientists can do what they need to do to make a cure. Black Panther has been injured so he thinks he's better off with the scientists, and so he heads out for the science base. As the four characters prepare for the coming war, Wolverine and Deadpool have a moment together where they discuss how their healing factor is affecting them. Wolverine has been fighting the feelings and resisting the urges, but he knows Deadpool, who has maintained his (fragile) sanity, has given in a few times to the hunger and animalistic urges. He asks Wade to keep it together for as long as he can and be the hero that everyone needs him to be. The four remaining heroes head towards the Brooklyn Bridge to blow it up, killing so many possibly curable people and heroes, but blocking the path out of the city so they won't spread. Not seeing the Hulk with his army, the four split up into two groups of two, sending Wolverine and Deadpool together against the Hulk, while the Punisher and Cap blow the bridge, something that Cap has a huge problem with. The last third of the issue constantly flips back and forth between the the two teams, and Deadpool is quickly dismembered by the Hulk after the merc is punched through 6 cars, and his body is left in pieces. Though he does recover from this somehow as he plays another vital role in the Punisher story. This gives Wolverine the chance he needs and he takes his claw and pushes it into Hulk's brain, twisting it around. The beast goes down after getting one more shot off on Wolverine, nearly killing the hero again. Meanwhile, Cap stops firing and falls to his knees, knowing that the change is taking him over. Despite always looking up the hero, The Punisher only has one choice.

We next see The Punisher, now free of his conscience and partner, blow up the bridge, killing several thousand, and instead of blowing it from the other side, he blows it from the New York end, trapping himself in, and setting up his series. Cutting to two years later, we see a research lab in the tundra, with Reed Richards at the helm. Someone has arrived with 58 more survivors, and the door opens to reveal a two armed- equipped with bone claw, but aged, Wolverine.
Verdict: B+. Other than the gritty art style, this thing was very well written and surprised me by having such a hopeful ending. Part of me is really hoping that this universe will get more written about it but I have no idea what characters are even left alive that we could follow. The issue itself really draws strength from the Deadpool/Wolverine bits as there are two people who are clearly under the spell of whatever disease this is, and although one of them has three different narration voices, both maintain to keep it together for the job, and in Wolverine's case, it seems, beat it completely. The moment where Cap can't fight anymore and he has to be put down by the man who respects him more than anyone else is also really deep considering the level of violence and action in the book. Very enjoyable overall. Look for my review of the Punisher version coming soon.

Darkwing Duck #16

We open on Darkwing surfing the crowd as they chant his name as the new mayor of St. Canard, but he runs into Launchpad gettign the same treatment. Launchpad claims that this is just a coping mechanism to make Darkwing feel better about what's really happening. Darkwing snaps out of it and realizes he's tied up and being carried to a stake where he, Launchpad, and Constance are apparently going to be burned by the villain Suff Rage. The villain believes that none of them are worthy to run a city like this. It requires that super powered individuals govern things- like Megavolt and Liquidator running the city's water and power (Though, I'm 99% positive that Liquidator WAS the city's water source for a long time). Constance stands up to the villain and speaks out against the super powered and costumed indivuals controlling the city, and that it should be run by people not whacko's Darkwing uses this as his distraction to use his laser to free himself, but accidentally starts his own fire. Cutting to the hideout, we see Gosalyn, Honker, and Doofus all watching the proceedings on television (who is running the camera?) and arguing over whether or not to go down and help. About that time, they hear someone yelling from across the way, and they see Suff Rage in her hideout (next door to Darkwing) using her black ink energy to control this version of herself appearing on the street level. Gosalyn sets her on fire (WTF) and her imaginary form disappears and her spell is broken over the citizens (we get soem neat cameos here like one of the Gummy Bears, and the mechanic from Tail Spin). Lanchpad and Darkwing get calls from the kids to tell them where Suff Rage really is, and they take off, Constance has also disappeared somewhere. Suff Rage has captured the kids and is about to pour the black ink all over them when Darkwing appears with his signature two part intro, which Suff Rage cuts off by guessing what the second part will be. He tries to fight her, but she taps his fears to see what he's afraid of, which I actually loved and hated all at the same time. See, the one thing abotu Darkwing is that he doesn't have a real origin story, so we never get to see why he does this hero thing. His fears both answer this and don't at the same time- being a normal 9-5 worker, being a simple drone/cog in society, becoming a murderous tyrant (Dark Knight Returns version appearance), not being original, or being overpowered. Anyone can tell you what Darkwing is really afraid of- losing Gosalyn. This has been a common thread throughout the title, and leaving it off from this list either complete ignorance, which I don't buy... Or it means that Darkwing doesn't fear losing her right now which will make her impending end all the more shattering. Anyway, Suff Rage points out that Darkwing's rogues are far more powerful than him, and its only a matter of time before one of them gets him, and the dialogue here is honestly an homage to arguably the best episode of Batman: TAS- I Am The Night, where Batman, on Gordon's near deathbed, says this: "I chose this life. I used the night. I became the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk with a gun who gets lucky. My decision. No regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes." Suff Rage says something similar "You chose to be a hero and you've ammassed quite the rogue's gallery (shot of One Shot and Cat-Tankerous), so you have to wonder when will it get too much (shot of Quakerjack, Bushroot, Megavolt, and Liquidator)? Where will it end (shot of Taurus Bulba)? Who will end it (shot of Negaduck)? One of your plotting and scheming enemies (shot of Paddywhack), or just some crook who gets lucky (shot of Steelbeak)?" While all of this is going down, Launchpad frees the kids from their prison, and Gosalyn unplugs the machine, removing all of the villain's powers, and Launchpad unmasks her. Not surprisingly, its Constance who was creating fake versions of herself. She goes on about how she almost beat Darkwing two ways, and then gets carted off to jail.

They both wonder what became of "Bob" the director of communication, but let it go so they can go get their votes in before the polls close. The crowd at the polls is a regular "Who's That?" of Disney. The crowd includes Bonkers, Oswald the Rabbit from Epic Mickey, The Tortoise and the Hare, Jiminy Cricket, Basil of Baker Street, one of the ostriches and one of the hippos from Fantasia. Not surpring is the result:

Cutting to a depressed Darkwing in Launchpad's new office, as the family discusses what to do with the newfound abilities that having a mayor on the team would do. Launchpad comments that the job couldn't be much harder than running the Quackwerks company. Cue this:
Gotta love the humor here. Also, I'm a big fan of Launchpad in a suit. Cutting to the former Suff rage hideout, we see Bob and a bodiless voice discussing where they went wrong with this one. Bob comments that he was impressed that the voice was the first to use the ink and not be used by it. The voice is revealed to be Magica DeSpell, and Bob reveals his true form: The Phantom Blot, the antagonist of the Epic Mickey game, and character that hasn't really appeared much since his first appearance in 1939. Meanwhile, in Duckburg, we see Scrooge super pissed that Launchpad is using all his company's money for the "Guys, I'm Really Sorry About All This" Charity Fund. He gets his kids together and they decide to head out to St. Canard to get some sense into Launchpad's head. So... crossover event? Crossover event. Boosh.
Verdict: A. Another solid issue that proves again that this is one of the best comics coming out right now. Its arguably brilliant in every other page, and on the others, you can't help but enjoy and wait for the next great moment. The series is ending soon and that kills me, but it seems we are heading towards an ending that the series really deserves.

DC's New 52: Week 2

Man, where can I begin on this group? Some were just really stellar, while others fell flat. I feel like alphabetically, I just lost steam with the last set since the first two issues were so great. But since I can't think of a better system, here goes nothing.

Batman and Robin

I still hate the way Robin looks on that cover, but whatever, it actually doesn't carry over into the really, so I need to get over it. We open on Moscow, as a man is running away from something which is revealed to be an extremely muscular Batman. The criminal is caught naturally, but before the Batman can speak to him, the criminal is shot in the head by a floating gun. The invisible assailant goes to work breaking the arms and legs of the behemoth Batman, and then as the Batman is bleeding, he asks who he is, and the invisble guy claims to be "Nobody." Cutting the familar Wayne Manor we see Bruce in his classic thinking pose- in a chair, staring at a painting of his parents, with a storm outside. "Its time for a change." Is all we are given. Bruce goes to wake Damien up, but Damien's been waiting for his father. They are going to head out early, before patrol, to make an important stop. I'm not going to lie- Damien is a friggin prick in this book. Bruce tries to explaine why 10:48 is such an important time for him, and Damien rolls his eyes for the entire speech. Bruce asks Damien to show some respect, and he responds with the fact that they are just names on dusty old pictures, to which Alfred walks in, gives a verbal slap to the face of Damien, more for implying there was dust than the disrespect for his friends. Bruce is somehow completely patient through all this, because let's face it, this is the first real interaction these two have had since 2006. Damien complains that this constant reminder of death is kind of stupid, and Bruce agrees, stating that this will be the last time that he comes to Crime Alley to honor "the moment I watched my father bleed out of a sucking chest wound as my mother choked on a hole in her throat." He will now honor their wedding anniversary instead. The next scene is actually beyond my words, so here goes:

Like I said, the fact that Bruce hasn't punched the shit out of that kid blows my mind. What follows is a standard "bad guy's trying to get research" scheme and the Dynamic Duo show up. They bicker the entire time, and when the criminals use a break to steal the Batpod (or gyro- whatever this weird underground thing is that they arrived in) Damian follows, despite Bruce's orders not to. He catches up tot he crooks and disables something on the ball which makes it lose control. One of the thugs starts firing his gun which blows the whole thing up, seemingly killing the crooks. Batman is beyond pissed about this, and basically drills the kid to point of comparing how much worse he is than Dick, Tim, or even Jason. Scene ends with Batman saying that until he earns his trust, then he won't be Robin. Cutting back to Russia, we see Nobody slowly dropping both the dead crook and the barely alive Batman into acid and dissolving them, finally saying that its time pay Bruce Wayne a visit.

Verdict: A-. If DC was intent on bring in new readers, this was a pretty good book to do it with. The characters are quickly fleshed out and given personalities. Anxious the see where this storyline goes, honestly. I just hope we can get past the "DAMIAN! YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON!" "F-CK YOU, DAD!" stuff pretty quick... kinda grating after a while.

Batwoman

I'm going to tell you straight up- the art in this book is beautiful, and if you are going to get it, I advise you to get it in print rather than digitally, because the page spread's just don't work as well on a screen. The same thing that makes this comic beautiful is also its biggest weakness. The art is amazing, but its a really short read (16 of the 22 pages are two page spreads) with little to no answers in it. We open on this ghost, who is apparently kidnapping children and sucking their breath out, attacking the children of a Hispanic family. Batwoman is unable to fight off the spirit and the children are taken. We move to Capt. Maggie Sawyer's office at the Gotham Police Dept. where the family is telling the Captain all about what happened that night. They leave, and pass Kate Kane in the lobby, as she stares at a picture on the wall. We are shown that this is Renee Montoya, and then Sawyer and Kane begin to flirt just in case you forgot that the three women mentioned in this comic so far are all lesbians. Kate goes home and trains with her niece/cousin Bette Kane, formerly known as Flamebird. The two argue over whether or Not the girl is ready to be a hero and go out on patrol. We then cut to the Offices of the DEO where Director Bones (I actually love this character) is sitting with Agent Chase and gives her the orders to bring in Batwoman- we are not given a reason why... just that she needs to be brought in. Cutting back to Gotham, the bodies of 7 kids have been dragged from the lake, and Comm. Gordon and Sawyer share concerns about this, but neither character seems have any depth here. Back at the Kane apartment the two heroes are arguing over Bette's role and the fact that she needs more training when Kate's father arrives, and she just berates him for the events of her run in Detective Comics (not explained well- apparently some required reading for the new people). He is then kicked out by Kate. Cut to Kate and the lake/river scene when Batman arrives and says he has a proposition.

Verdict: A-. I don't think its as solid storywise as it should be but the art makes up for it. I will definitely keep reading but for me its just like that girl who sits near you and is amazingly attractive, but once you get to know her/she starts talking, you realize there really isn't anything exciting about her, but you are perfectly fine with that.

Deathstroke

"I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was. To catch them is my real test. To (kill) them is my cause..." Not gonna lie... this entire book is just balls to the wall action, with Deathstroke "Ash Ketchum-ing" all over the place. The first panel tells you that Deathstroke is a "super badass" and panel two lets you know that he will cut off your dick at a moment's notice. You want to know how to introduce your character as a guy not to be messed with? Those two panels. By the end of page three, he has murdered 11 people with an extra bigass sword, I'm pretty sure he got from a Final Fantasy game. We cut to Slade Wilson meeting with an associate, Kristoph, who has a job for him, but because the circumstances, he's going to have to work with some up and coming assassins. Slade is beyond pissed and shows it by throwing a paperclip so hard, it cuts a fly in half and cuts the shoulder of Kristoph's suit. Cut to three teenagers who are bickering with one another and waiting for the fourth member of the team (which has two really stupid names that are argued over throughout the mission- Alpha Dawgz or Harm Armory), who they call Lovetap. It comes as no surprise that this is Slade, and he, like the reader, hates them from the start. Kristoph gets them up to speed on the target; a German scientist who cannot be taken while on the ground for political reasons, so they will have to kill him in the air. Slade makes a plan, and away we go. Upon hijacking the plane, Slade finds that there's more than just weapons on the plane- there's some biological weapons as well. Apparently, this guy is being guarded by soldiers with Clayface DNA which makes them really hard to kill, but not impossible, as Slade shows us. As he prepares to reboard his plane, he blows up the scientist, takes the suitcase he came for, then jumps, reflecting on how "not bad" these assassins were. Back home Kristoph and the team are celebrating the mission when Slade comes in. He says that they proved to be good at this, and that makes them competition, and he doesn't want or need any. So the three teens are killed and he beats the crap out of Kristoph and shows him the contents of the briefcase which apparently horrifies the man. Slade hits him again and tells him to clean up, and then walks out.
Verdict: B+. It's highly predictable, but if you want a book that puts action first and anything else second, then this is the book for you. Its also a great pickup read. Good news as well- the costume on the cover looks nothing like what's inside the issue which was a real saving grace. The costume shown above is awful.

Demon Knights

So this comic suffers a bit from time travel fatigue where we don't necessarily jump back and forth, but there is a clear change in time, and there are those who are from other times. We open on the last night of Camelot which I will assume is 1200's AD, where Lancelot has been tasked with returning Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake, and he does what he needs to, as some women in a boat go past him. One of the women, revealed as Madame Xanadu doesn't want to see the sword lost again so she dives after it, only be hit with some sort of magic. Cutting over to the castle, Merlin has bound the demon Etrigan but when the castle falls, the demon will be free, so he sends for a knight to come and when Jason of Norwich arrives, his soul is bound to the demon's. Jumping 400 years in the future to the 1600's we see that Jason and Xanadu are now travelling partners, who are teaming with a friar of some sort to find their way. Meanwhile, a man is bringing a baby in front of a king and queen, claiming that they asked for the youngest child in the village and that was his son. The king, revealed to be Mordru (though he looks and has powers similar to Shang Tsung), takes the child and upon touching it, it turns into a demon, tells him that his path is correct and where he needs to go, and then the baby explodes. Its pretty insane and the man is in tears as he is drug off by guards. Cutting back to our travellers, we see that the two are more than just partners, as they flirt back and forth with one another, as they pass through a small village. They hear shouting and they see a big brutish man with an axe pounding on the doors to a bar, demanding service. This man is revealed to be Vandal Savage, who apparently the two travellers run into at least once every few decades. The three all drink together and discuss things. Vandal points out that he was jealous that they were present at the fall of Camelot, though while he has no ethics, he likes to see them in other people. They are interrupted by what appears to be a woman in golden armor, who says her name is Sir Ystin, the Shining Knight. Vandal points out the obvious, and that his nethers say that Sir Ystin is not a man. Commotion at the bar cathes their attention as a man with fancy gold named Al Jabr is being denied service. This upsets another patron who is identified as Exoristos, and she is apparently a huge strong woman who hails from an island where men are castrated for fun. Before any end to this issue can arrive, a horde of enemies, at the command of the Questing Queen, is coming to take the town over. Our six strangers begin to fight, and Jason changes to Etrigan, which comes as no surprise. What does however come as a shock is that the first thing Etrigan does is just make out with Xanadu and they discuss their sex life for a good four panels. Clearly, Jason and Etrigan are unaware of what the other does with the body. So as everyone is fighting, we find that Mordru and the queen are angered by the resistance. So she suggests they do what they always do when faced with a problem. Figure out where it is...
Which is an obvious solution to every problem of course.

Verdict: B+. This is the kind of book I'm glad the relaunch brought us because things liek this would never have gotten the press they needed to, and this is just a fun book. I would however like a little more info on half of the characters, and I know a new reader would like to have that as well. And Vandal as a good guy is a great concept, and one I hope we get to see more of. But my biggest complaint is that the rhyming is gone. With the exception of the change of forms, there was not a single rhyme.

Frankenstein, Agent of SHADE

I loved Frank's miniseries during Flashpoint, and man, does this thing not disappoint. There is so much stuff in this comic and it all just works beautifully. There was so much speculation as to the identity of Japanese schoolgirl assassin on the cover and the reveal... well, its something. We open on a lake in Washingtom where a grandfather and his grandson are doing some fishing, when their dog gets scared and runs off intot he woods. There is a bad howl and yelp and the skinned body of the dog is thrown back, just as a huge shadow covers the two people. These creatures are beyond disgusting and they remind me a lot of the beasts from Animal Man's dream. We then cut to a scene of Manhatten with a tiny silver ball floating around it, while we get computer generated narraration. This ball is call the ANT FARM- a 3 inch indestructable ball that acts as the headquarters for SHADE, and it is only accessible by teleportation and shrinking, thanks to the technology of Dr. Ray Palmer. We see Frank teleport in and is filled in by the liason Dr. Belroy. The facility is managed by robots that live for 24 hours then decompose and become fuel for the Ant Farm. Frank finds this disconcerting, as the birth and death of artificial life is something that is very dear to him, but he drops his argument when he sees what has become of his father...

Huh... well, that happened. Moving on. Frank quotes Milton as a way of defining his feelings and Palmer interjects that he has always been more of a Keats man himself. Getting to the mission at hand, Frank wants to know what happened to his wife, who apparently is the best SHADE agent of all time. Apparently, the entire town has been overrun with monsters and the Bride has disappeared of the radar, so Frank has been tasked with getting in there, killing the monsters, and getting his wife out, in six hours or the entire town will get nuked. Cutting right to the action, Frank wants to jump right into the action, but Father makes him wait for his new field team: The Creature Commandos- Amphibian Nina Mazursky, Werewolf Warren Griffith, Vampire Vincent Velcoro- augmented with Man Bat serum, and Khalis, a mummy and a medic. Frank is shocked that his father is messing with science and creatures again, but the little girl cannot get over how awesome her creations are- and honestly, neither can I. Father makes a comment that maybe if Frank was willign to try new things once in a while, his wife would still love him, which as barbs from a little girl go, that one stings pretty bad. This gets insanely gritty as the creatures go on a full attack to kill the monsters and its a well earned action sequence. The characters are defined quickly: Griff is a loyal soldier, Velcoro whines and is extremely brutal, Nina is way too scientific, and Khalis is just mysterious. The mummy senses life nearby and he and Frank go into a church to find some survivors. They eventually find a tomb that contains an old woman with a cross protecting tons of kids. The end.

Verdict: A-. This is a great book, and maybe its too much greatness for the space it had because the ending is really cheap in my opinion. I am not a fan of this ending. Its a lot like OMAC, where we are being swept up in an adventure from the get go. And there is something insane or new every three pages: Living in a snowglobe with the Atom, Father is a thinly veiled Hit Girl, The Bride of Frankenstein is a four armed superspy, The Creature Commandos are back, with Velcoro using Man Bat serum he modified so he wouldn't suck like everything else with Man Bat. I especially love the characterization of Frankenstein as a guy who wants to help people, but has no patience for anyone's bullshit. The kind of guy that if you cry for more than 5 seconds, he will shoot you in the face with an angelic shotgun, because that is how this protagonist rolls.

Green Lantern

So, Green Lantern basically is the least changed as far as continuity goes in the new universe. This picks up exactly where War of the Green Lanterns ended last month: With Sinestro and his impossible to destroy or remove ring which he got from Hal Jordan when he was banished from Oa for killing a crazy and evil Guardian (Don't get me started on the bureaucratic bullshit with those little blue people. So, the Guardians, who cannot get rid of the ring, and will not kill a Green Lantern, just set the guy free and tell him to do his job and protect his sector. Sinestro is just as WTF as every reader, but whatever, this is standard Guardian crap. Ganthet speaks up that although he is no longer a Guardian, he thinks this is a pretty screwed up idea, and all the Guardians jump him- end of scene. On Earth, Hal is hanging out with Carol at his apartment, when he sees a guy from across the way threatenign and hurting a woman. Hal goes hero and jumps across the 7th floor balcony and crashes into the neighboring window and starts beating the guy. He did not notice the camera or film crew behind him, as he is an idiot who didn't realize there was a movie being filmed. He subsequently arrested and Carol has to bail him out. Meanwhile, Sinestro is watching out for his sector, by spying on his homeworld of Korugar, with giant green binoculars. He sees taht his former subjects, the Sinestro Corps have taken over the world and are ruling it with as much brutality as could be expected from that group. One of them spots Sinestro and goes to kill the spying Green Lantern, then hugs Sinestro as his leader, then believes that Sinestro is a traitor, and then gets his head blown off because Sinestro is just that kind of guy. Cut to Hal and Carol out together on a date, and discussing how now that this ring stuff is behidn them, they can finally be a couple. Hal agrees and says he needs to ask her a question. She is elated that he's finally going to pop the question. However, his question is about her cosigning on a car for him since he hasn't driven in over 5 years. She flips out, slaps him, and takes off, leaving him to walk to his apartment. Opening the door, he finds Sinestro waiting for him with a proposition...

Verdict: B-. Its a decent start to the series but I would have expected a lot more from Geoff Johns here. The book would have been great for first time readers, with a little backstory, and they would be set. But for a continuous reader, this issue felt like it was just spoonfeeding a lot of info that we already knew. This feels more like an "in between" issue than an opener.

Grifter

I have never read a Wildstorm book in my life, and this doesn't push me in any direction towards picking up the series. Its basically Sawyer from Lost, as a gun wielding "hero" who is being hunted by his soldier brother after he kills a people who were possessed by demons/ghosts/blue energy creatures. But of course, only he can see the creatures so... its a lot like They Live except without all the Roddy Piper awesomeness. Anyway, there's this whole mystery of where Grifter keeps losing time- 17 minutes, 17 hours, and 17 days. I mentioned before that time travel writing could be tricky. This is a prime example. This thing is just a mess. The comic ends with him sitting in a graveyard and putting on the red mask for no reason whatsoever.

Verdict: D+. Like I said, this thing is just confusing, and there's not much that would draw in new readers. The only saving grace is the wonderful art. I think this is going with Men of War where I'm going to read it next week, but for now, consider it DROPPED.

Legion Lost

This was without a doubt the least friendly for new readers. This requires a lot of knowledge from the reader about the Legion of Superheroes, and their villains, and we get zilch as far as explanation. Seven characters wind up going to the past to retrieve some guy with a deadly virus in him that turns him into a monster, and he hates humans. So, the 7 Legionaires argue and argue and argue over and over and over about what to do instead of actually doing anything productive. They finally catch their guy but he tries to escape and blows their time bubble up, and then two of their own (Chameleon Girl and Teleport Bug?) along with the criminal disappear, while the other 5 are trapped on some world.

Verdict: D-. This thing felt rushed beyond all comprehension. This is terrible art, terrible writing, terrible characterizations. I commented that Green lantern felt like there was a lot of handholding for a character in explaining it to new readers, when all we needed was a page. This book has no explanation for anything, and Legion is a series taht requires a 26 volume encyclopedia to understand. I think this book was to serve to those afraid the new 52 would be bad and this is a taste of the way things were... but if that's the case, I want this new universe. This book is without a doubt, DROPPED.

Mister Terrific

I'm pretty sure this book was doomed from the getgo, but I actually didn't hate it. This guy has never ahd a story to himself, much less a whole title. I think I said this once before that this is one of those Affirmative Action titles, like Static, or Blue Beetle, but those guys have a huge fanbase. This guy has zilch. He had a nice moment in OMAC Project years ago, and he's been a minor support character in JSA for years. There's just not a reason to care. Anyway, we open on our hero, Michael Holt, fighting an enemy in London and he's using science to beat the guy and save lives. Its pretty boring, but the comic clearly is trying to pander to me:

After some people are saved, we get a nice awkward moment where Holt explains himself.

Not too bad. Randomly, we cut to a guy that goes from being a regular guy to an insane asshole for no real reason, and then he walks off being a prick to everyone. Despite this random bit, I like Wallace's writing style so far, and he actually manages to get an origin that's not whacked out or in connection to the original Mr. Terrific or the Spectre. He was a brilliant scientist and athlete whose pregnant wife died in a car accident, and although he tried to kill himself, his son from the future showed up and told him to keep trying, so now we have a superhero who fights crime with science. Its not a terrible origin, but who is he explaining his origin to? Its not the reader...

Whoa... whoa, whoa, whoa...that is Power Girl (or Karen Starr as she is known outside the costume). And they are clearly "friends with benefits"- a fact that gets drilled to death later in the issue, as does the ebony and ivory of it all. The two go to some charity function for Holt where he is meeting with a senator to discuss education reform, and of course, some black woman shows up and berates PG for, what I can only assume, "being a cracker." PG just shrugs this crap off with a "we're just friends, whether I want that or not" line, and then there is some class commentary that's beyond predictable and heavy handed for a comic like this. So already we have a love triangle between a suicidal brilliant African American superhero, a random African American woman that works for Holt and adores him, and the white, well "built" Kryptonian cousin that is the cause of 95% of all comic realted wet dreams. I guess I can't blame the guy. Anyway, for no real reason, Holt gets possessed by this asshole problem/disease and turns into a murderous prick towards the senator. End of story.

Verdict: C+. There's a lot of stuff that's light and a lot that's way beyond heavy handed with this book, but I think after a couple issues it will find its footing. I think this was a pleasant surprise and it will get at least another week from me, so we shall see what happens.

Red Lanterns

As much as I love these guys, the Red Lantern's are supporting characters at best. They show up, vomit blood everywhere, and then be on their way. They, like so many characters with boosk this week, do not need their own series. That being said, I would pay money for a monthly series starring this guy:
Dex-Starr is the coolest animal character ever, and I request that we get a series about the Legion of Super Pets. It would be 1000x better than Legion Lost, at least. So anyway, there are some intergalactic bad guys who are doing some bad stuff that isn't really specified, and Dex-Starr shows up to kick some ass. He kills half of the crew, and gets taken out by an electrified leash... as all animals do. Cue this scene:

It comes as no surprise that he kills all of the guys and then takes Dex-Starr back to Ysmault and feeds him, then puts him down for a nap. I can't lie this is the dumbest thing for the "Master of all Rage" to be doign with his time, and the other Red lanterns know it too, and are now ceding control of the group from him. Atrocitis gets pissy and storms off to see the dead body of Krona the rogue guardian, who he had dibs on killing but was preoccupied somewhere as Hal Jordan killed the little blue creep. So, Atrocitis decides taht he and his group will go out and avenge evils and kill the guilty, but he's also afraid that his team won't follow him since his whole plan to get justice for his own people's slaughter has been hijacked every step of the way.
Verdict: C+. Its an interesting series, but its about a bunch of one dimensional characters, a guy who, liek Sinestro has an evil name and deserves no depth, but is getting it anyway, and a cat that everyone fell in love with and thought was a pretty funning thing until his origin was shown to involve rape, murder, and some serious animal cruelty. And I can say that this is without a doubt the best art I've seen from Ed Benes, but since its Ed Benes its still pretty horrible and nothing looks like its real life counterparts- see the cat above.

Resurection Man

Not gonna lie, of all the comics I read this week, I was looking forward to this one the least. Not really sure why. Its a decent issue about a character that only shows up for events and important moments, and I guess I was lost on why he would get his own series. Dying and coming back with new powers is kind of a cool thing, but you still have to die for that to happen. Mitch wakes up with magnet powers, and from there, he's just chased by this angel spirit/shapeshifter thing that says its time for him to stop dying, and for him to die for real. Its just a dumb concept to start with and I wasn't fan of this circular comic. Tacking on the Body Doubles at the end was an ok twist, but they seem like they are a pair of Harley Quinns, and not respectable assassins.

Verdict: C-. I cant say too much good or bad about this thing. It was readable. I wouldn't reccomend it it, but I wouldn't stop someone from getting this thing either. So, I guess, consider this on probation. Another bad week and it will be DROPPED.

Suicide Squad

This was the absolute worst thing my eyes have taken in a very long time. Everything was wrong on levels I can't even begin to describe. Harley was all wrong (now a murderer trying to get the Joker's attention), Deadshot lost his signature mustache, King Shark doesn't really talk much, and Amanda Waller is no longer a wall, but a rail. The most prominint black female in all of comics used to be 5 feet of 300lb. aggression, strength, and intimidation. Now she looks like every other 36-24-36 woman in comics. Anyway, what we have is 19 pages of these characters being tortured while we get flashbacks that make no sense. You'd think with her center placement on the cover, that Harley is the main character, and while she gets a little more screentime for cheesecake reasons, its not really true. Harley is character who has nearly 20 years appearing in TWO forms: Dr. Harleen Quinzell, renound psychologist; and Harley Quinn who is dressed in a full leotard jester costume and black and white makeup. What we have here is just a sadsack that dances with corpses so that the Joker will care about her, until, of course, she is taken into custody by Black Canary's ass.

We get to see a nice action shot of the team walking through the snow to where they are now being tortured. It is however, unintentionally hilarious.

Its nice to see that Harley and her booty shorts and corset are perfectly fine to traipse through the icy tundra, but at least she's got a bomber jacket to keep warm. Just like they did for everyone. Even the guy who is LITERALLY ON FIRE. Anyway, there is a twist in the book that gives us an twist ending that was ripped from V for Vendetta, but that book actually earned that ending. This book? Not even close. So the surviving members of the team go on their first mission which we will see next time.

Verdict: F+. Now you know I don't give F's out unless I absolutely have to. This is beyond well deserved. The one good thing is that the art is actually really solid, and seeing how much Glass enjoys gore and violence for the sake of it, the idea that all of these characters with crappy redesigns will be killed and replaced with the more familar characters. Which is why, that despite this being the most awful thing this week, I will be sticking with the series for one more issue, just to see how it goes. So, probation period is a go.

Superboy

Finally, we reach the last issue of the week and its not so bad. The problem is that this thing is laced with continuity issues. Writers have promised that most of Teen Titans is keeping with continuity, but if this Superboy is in that title, I can't imagine how that is possible. We have a clone using the DNA of both Superman and Lex Luthor so we are starting with his moral issues as he runs through all these fake hologram rehearsals for how the NOWHERE group can best use the hero. Heading this group is Dr. Fairchild, who will no doubt become her Gen13 form very soon, and the liason to the Superboy is Rose Wilson, equipped with both eyes, so we will have to see how all of this plays out. Its a pretty good introduction, but as of right now, it reads like We3 with a superpowered teenager.

Verdict: C+. It wasnt bad or good.. it just kinda existed. Its throwing a lot of the stuff we love about Superboy- the life in Kansas, the growth in a lab, the "My Two Dads" issue with Luthor and Superman, and the fragile mental state- and throwing together some Fairchild and Ravager makes for a decent comic... it jsut wasn't really for me. If the inclusion of those two characters is the best part of a Superboy comic, then that tells you something. I'll give it a couple more issues before I make a drop decision, so I guess its on probation.

So, that's one half of all the new DC titles, and I really think there is just as much good here as bad. Let's see how the second half turns out. I've read 26 books so far and next month I will be reading/reviewing at least 20 of those, which is a good thing.

Duke and Buffy

Another strange combo for Duke Nukem, but they are the only non-DC out this week for me to review. Sadly, one of these is a far cry from the last issue of it I read. Buffy, on the other hand, is... I don't really know. Its a great issue, but I don't know how I feel about it yet, and I read it twice... and several hours ago. And let me be as clear as possible: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ OR HEARD THE ENDING TO BUFFY'S SEASON 8- DO NOT READ THIS REVIEW. Go read that season right now actually and then have a nice meal, because that book is amazing, and you're going to need a break between it and this. But enough about Buffy, let's get the crap out of the way...

Duke Nukem: Glorious Bastard #2

We open where the last issue left off, with Duke's arrival in World War II, where he meets the three British, French, and American soldiers. If you're wondering how far into the book you have to go for one of Duke's signature lines, look no further than the first page.

And don't worry, that is one of seven times that particular phrase is used. The group has captured a nazi scientist and are pressign him for information when we cut to the underground of the base, showing a group of blonde, blue-eyed, leather clad people discussing droppign their connections with the Nazis, and focussing solely on the alien invaders. They all laugh smugly, and we cut back to the action. Duke explains his battle strategy...

...and we are off. The three soldiers and Duke fight off the alien pig creatures and slaughter them all. Amongst the battle Duke asks why the Frenchwoman is called the French Tickler, and she says if they survive she will show him. No surprise that that's exactly what happens after the battle. The Nazi scientist is found by one of the blonde people and killed, just as even bigger creatures arrive for battle. The end.

Verdict: C- Its just bland, boring, and all kinds of predictable. I mean, of course Duke lives but its so much fan service that it gets really old really fast.

Ok, last chance to heed my warning about reading this before Season 8 has been read- don't.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 9 #1

With the seed destroyed, Twilight slain, a vital friend killed, and the end of magic on Earth as we know it, there will be no more Slayers. So, no Slayer armies, no more Scooby gang, nothing. Buffy is a waitress in San Francisco, Xander and Dawn are trying to live as a normal couple, Willow is struggling with her loss of powers, Spike has returned from his trip with the roach aliens, and everyone has moved on in some way. But evil and demons still exist, and its up to the Slayer to handle them. We open on Buffy waking up in a bed she barely knows, unsure of how she got there, hung over, and naked. The book keeps jumping back and forth between present and the night before, so I'll try and keep up. We jump to the night before as Buffy opens the door for her friends for a party in her new apartment. First to arrive is Xander and Dawn, both characterized just as well as they always have: Witty & dorky and whiney & annoying respectively. We then meet Buffy's roomates, Anaheed, a clearly gay Asian girl, and Tumble, who doesn't speak much but looks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Commentary on the party, Xander?

Dawn can't figure out why the guy is named Tumble and luckily she disapears into the party from this point on really. More Xander and Buffy interaction really says something here though:

Willow arrives next with her date, who never speaks, but I'm almost positive is the really strong black slayer from season 7. Cutting to the present, we see Willow emerge from Buffy's bathroom, also nude, and after some awkward jokes, Willow eases Buffy's mind and assures her they didn't do anything naughty. She accidentally asks Willow to do a spell to fix her memory, and hits herself for forgetting. Willow is unaffected and kisses her head and tells her its ok. We cut for a single page to a homicide where a nameless former slayer has been killed with no apparent reason or by no identifiable way. Cutting back to last night's party, the "boys" arrive- The very married Riley Finn, the very undead Spike, and the very... Andrew, all of which are discounted from being dating material for the aforementioned reasons. Spike of course cannot enter without her permission so the two flirt for a moment with this scene:

And he is let in and slowly becomes the life of the party. Andrew chats up Buffy discussing how great his life has been since the magic went away, that he took some old squads of girls and now they work as disaster relief workers, to which Buffy feels ashamed that she doesn't do more. Cutting to the present, Buffy is enjoying a nice hot shower thinking about all the emotions she's feeling, chief among them- dread, as she remembers a moment when Spike told her that something is coming and its big and bad and completely not of this world. We cut to an office with two scared, well dressed people handing a file over to a shadowy, smokey figure, who promises to find the girl and "smell her out." Cutting back tot he present Buffy, she is visiting her job where she was supposed to work, but was given the day off after what happened last night... which is still unexplained. Cut to a dungeon somewhere where demons are attempting keep a gate sealed, but they are overpowered by a blue/gray skinned dreadlocked creature that I recognize, but cant name... maybe the Judge? Cut to present Buffy trying to rethink last night, but all she can picture now is playing chicken in the pool with Andrew against her roomate and Riley. Speaking of, we cut to last night as Buffy and Riley are taking a walk together and Buffy is drunkenly hitting on him. Checking out his surveilance van, the two discuss monster hunting and what kind of work he's done since the magic ended. She pulls him into the van, and tells him the thing needs a woman's touch. In the present, she remembers him pushing her off since he was married. Her roomates come in and discuss having her friends over more often because of how great they are. The female is excited at the chance to see Willow more and apparently Spike and Tumble are starting a band together. Cut to a pink haired slayer who is pissed at what Buffy did and is now out to end humanity so that the Slayers can be on top once again (or some crap... that part was really dumb). Cut to the night before where Xander looks tired as Buffy shows him her room, and she's drunk and bouncy, as he mocks her happiness. Then this happens...

I'll stand by what I said long ago- Xander is the biggest jerk. Also at the party, we see Buffy dancing on tables, flirting with her hippie manager and the resteraunt, discussing with the cops who came to investigate the noise about how she scored well on being a cop on an aptitude test, Spike druink and fighting insects (regular sized ones- not giant ones) and not letting them join he and Tumble's band, Buffy juggling stuff and promising to do it naked next time, and then dirty dancing with the two cops. In the present, Buffy walks the streets on patrol as Willow and Spike join her. Spike makes a joke and she makes a snide comment, to which he is surprised she'd say such a thing after last night... (We're never going to find out what happened, are we?). Willow comments that she hopes its not too late to stop this ultimate evil out there, when that smokey creature speaks from the alley that it is already too late for Buffy Summers. Now she has to pay...

Comments anyone?

Fair enough.

Verdict: A-. A strong start to this new season and whole new world for Buffy. While the ending is kinda cheap and honestly just a big joke, its still a solid story with a lot of plotlines growing, even if we never found out what happened that night. Or with who. Well, next time on the blog- the next 13 issues in DC's New 52.

New 52: Week 1

So, one week into the new 52, and I'm still on the fence about a lot of these books. There are some stellar books, and there are some really weak stuff too. And I've already decided to drop one book, so unless we get a big reaction from readers to keep it going, I'm going to drop at least one of these books. Since its so worrisome to deal with all the formatting issues, I think I will drop my author/title/Highs/Lows areas, so I can just give you a straight Verdict. So let's hit each, alphabetically.

Action Comics
Like Justice League, this book takes place 5 years ago, where Superman was just getting started. We open on two gangsters meeting over an arms deal, when Superman arrives in a red blur. He calls the two men "rats with guns." And then his eyes turn red. We cut to the police showing up, ready to arrest and take down the mysterious super vigilante. One of the gangsters is identified as "Mr. Metropolis" with more money than anyone. Apparently, Superman took off with the man after melting and bending all the guns. Superman is standing on the ledge holding the gangster over the edge and tells the police that he'll drop the man when he confesses his crimes and understands that the law should work equally between the rich and the poor. Its not the Superman way, of course. When the gangster still refuses to talk, Supes just leans back and falls with his victim. Of course, he would never let the guy die, so he breaks the man's fall with his own body (remember that he can't fly yet). The gangster confesses, and everyone hears it. The police have no choice but to arrest the man and they try to do the same for Supes, but he simply tells them to focus on the real criminals so maybe he won't have to do their job for them. One of the officers fires, and Supes catches it, laughs, then tells the guy to watch that ulcer of his, and then speeds off. We cut to Lex Luthor and General Lane watching this footage from a bunker somewhere. Lane is chastising Luthor for wasting his time with petty promises like delivering the Superman by 8pm tonight. Luthor scoffs and tells him to relax, his next trap is coming. Luthor sent a wrecking group to a set of "empty" apartments that aren't so uninhabited after all. naturally Superman saves them, but is hit by a tank shooting electrifed nets. He proceeds to beat the crap out of the tank with the wrecking ball. The people come to Superman's aid with the second tank, and the soldiers won't hurt innocents. One of the children asks if he can really jump a tall building in a single bound... so Superman shrugs and says he's never tried from this part of the city. Then he jumps off and lands miles away on a rooftop. He changes into his Clark clothes and glasses, hits himself in the face a bit, and then goes downstairs. His landlord, startled by his injuries, tells him how sweet he is, and he needs to be careful researching stories for the Daily Star (another new development). He tells her that he's ok, he got worse beatings in Smallville when he lived with his parents. The landlord, Mrs. Nyxly (Yeah, say that name and see if anyone comes to mind) asks for the rent and tells him that two good looking men and a blonde woman came by to see him (Predictions that its the Legionaire Three?). Clark gets a call from his best friend Jimmy Olsen (who's drawn like Moe Howard, for some reason) that some mob enforcers are on the train platform with him and Lois, but Lois is annoyed that Jimmy's giving a story to a rival newspaper's guy. So she and Jimmy head on the train with the mob guys. Turns out the mob guys are now off the train and the thing is rigged to blow up. Superman races over and catches the train at a tunnel, but something's wrong and Supes can't stop the thing, and now its got a mind of its own. As the train-rocket propels through Metropolis, we cut back to Gen. Lane and Luthor, and Lane is beyond pissed that his daughter is trapped in Luthor's contraption. Luthor ignores the man and cites how the Cane Toad and Brown Tree Snake each destroyed their respective ecosystem after being introduced to the area by man. Luthor promises that he will end this alien menace here and now with the largest bullet he had on hand. He then motions to a tv screen where Superman has stopped the train, and pinned himself to the Daily Planet building. Its unclear whether or not he's alive in the picture, but we all know the answer.
Verdict: A. This is a solid book and a very interesting new take on the oldest character in the company. The writing is solid and Morrison's take on Superman and how he is both the nicest guy in the world and the most dangerous weapon at the same time is something that glows from his work on All Star Superman. I strongly suggest this book. The only trip up is the changes feel really forced, and maybe that will change, but the book seems to be doing all sorts of new stuff and winking at the reader the whole time.

Animal Man

I'm not going to lie, this was the best book of the week. I might be the only one that thinks so, but seriously, this thing is great. We open up on an interview between Buddy Baker, Animal Man, and the writer of the comic, Jeff Lemire. Yeah... the writer of the comic put himself in this, and you know... it works. Buddy retired as Animal Man a while back and this picks up on his career as an actor on a show about heroes, where he plays a retired, and downtrodden hero. Cutting to the scene, we see that Buddy is worried that he is coming off as glib, and his wife Ellen is just ignoring him. She's trying to cook for the family while their daughter, Maxine, with her stuffed dog, Mr. Woofers, is screaming about wanting a pet. Buddy says they can't get one because if he spends too much time with one animal his powers get out of whack. His wife chimes in that he never uses his powers anymore anyway so what does it matter? He gets upset that she was the reason he gave up the hero game in the first place, and she just shakes her head. Their son, Cliff (who has a kickass mullet), arrives and tells his dad that someone's shooting in the hospital. His wife wants him to eat dinner, but he won't stay, and knows he needs to go be a hero. He uses the flight of some birds to fly over to the hospital. Cops greet him and update him that a man is in the children's ward. His daughter was diagnosed with cancer, and along the way of trying to get her help, he lost custody of her, and didn't know that she died a few days ago. Now he's got a gun and wants to see his daughter. Buddy tries to talk the man down, but the guy freaks out and shoots Buddy. Luckily, Buddy reaches out to a rhino and gains his skin for just a couple seconds. He then reaches for his favorite animal powers- strength of an elephant, fly reflexes, cheetah speed, and the bark of a dog, just to scare the guy. Despite his hatred of violence, Buddy clocks the guy and the man apologizes and goes with the cops. Buddy stands to thank the officers, when his eyes begin bleeding profusely. Medically, there's nothing wrong with him, and they can't figure out what caused this. After his checkup, he heads home and goes to bed. We get a long monologue here about how important everyone in his family is, and how much he loves them. He begins to dream, where his son is running towards him screaming that they need to get out of here. Maxine has done horrible things and something even worse to her mother. When Cliff gets closer, he sees that Cliff is just holding his guts in, and the boy dies. maxine shows up with a giant monster Mr. Woofer, and she's wearing his costume. The girl and the dog try and cross a river of blood, but are sucked in. Buddy begins to lose his own skin now and he is reduced to a circulatory system. Suddently, these three nightmare beasts, called the Hunters Three (a giant fly/giraffe mixture, an elephant/worm creature, and what I can only describe as a cactus/octopus thing- like I said... seriously scary shit) arise from the blood and claim to be the true fathers of Maxine. Buddy wakes up suddently to his wife screaming from outside. He rushes downstairs to his wife and son looking horrified. This is what caused this reaction:
If you can't see what's happening here, Maxine has brought dead animals to life to play with her because she wants a pet so badly. Its pretty gross.

Verdict: A. Man, this book begins like a celeb magazine, then turns to a family comedy, then an action/hero film, then a horror movie, then to something much worse in real life. The book is a roller coaster, and it knocks every step of this out of the park. Every character feels real and I cannot praise this book enough. This seems the least effected by the new universe, and seems to just continue from the Last Days of Animal Man, just with a new costume.

Batgirl

Well, they can’t all be winners. I’ve never cared about Barbara one way or another, but I was open to the status quo reboot. Personally, I would have been far better with them acting like the Killing Joke never happened rather than do this Molotov cocktail of weird continuity choices. I echo a lot of people's feelings on how over-the-top her whole gun fear is, but in a way, it’s kind of a funny choice of stakes. We aren’t so much supposed to join Batgirl in the fear that she may die. We’re supposed to join Batgirl in the fear that she may again be put in a wheelchair. That’s funny because a lot of people want just that! It’s almost like taunting us. It reminds me of an old Wolverine comic I flipped through years ago back when he had bone claws. The cliffhanger had some villains preparing to experiment on Wolverine and force the adamantium back onto his skeleton. But… but that’s a good thing! I wanted that to happen and I’m sure a bunch of other people did too! I did enjoy the fight sequence against the serial killer group, but Chris Eckert had pointed out something about Simone’s villains that has ruined it for me. Simone can’t seem to write a compelling villain and instead will make them all come off as Hitler’s bowling team. Everyone is like an Ennis Punisher villain only without the need to go out of the way to make them more outright sinister than the protagonist. Well, maybe not with Secret Six, but it was still jarring when every villain is the worst person ever. Same pattern holds in the scene of the masked guys talking about how they’re the most evil men to evil evil. I was in the middle on this comic at this point and even the foreboding main villain of the Mirror looked like he could have some potential. The moment everything sunk like a rock was the moment we got to meet Barbara’s excessively annoying new roommate. How much do I hate this character? Let me count the ways… Ten. She’s in ten panels so I hate her in ten ways. I know this is Simone and all, but if there was ever a comic book female who needed a fridging… Sorry. Got off on a tangent. The comic opens up on this old guy being murdered by The Mirror because he was the only survivor of some boating accident. We skip to barbera in full regalia swinging through the city, now planning to take down a group of sadistic killers that are ripped straight from the Strangers. After the fight we see Barbara's dreams where she thinks back the Killing Joke's key moment where the Joker shot her and wakes up in a cold sweat. She walks out and hugs her dad, a much younger Commissioner Gordon, with red hair, and tells him that she needs to move out. She spent three years in the chair (no word whether or not her time as Oracle is in continuity) and now wants to move on like other girls her age. Jump a couple weeks to barbera meeting the roomate. Oh my god... is this girl the worst. And she's a feminist activist.. which isn't why I hate her, but it doesn't help her at all. Cut to a hospital where a survivor of a savage gunfight is being held, under the care of a nameless old detective and Renee Montoya. Barbara gets a signal, tied to her dad's police radio that someone's shooting up the hospital, and heads that way. Mirror shows up and kills old detective and shoots Montoya in the arm. The Mirror attempts to push the hospitalized survivor out, but Batgirl arrives and fights him. He points the gun at her, apparently similar to the Joker did, and Barbara freezes with fear, and the man is pushed to his death. The Mirror begins to escape and Montoya draws her gun on Barbara, saying she's just as responsible for that man's death.

Verdict: C-. Not gonna lie, after the two awesome issues, I was let down by this one. Somehow they found a way to have Barbara walk again that pissed off both sides of the "should she?" debate that's been raging for months. The story is just bland... but I already ripped this thing enough already.

Batwing

I don't even know where to start witht his one. The Batman of Africa is a dumb enough concept as is but this just is something else. Its somehow worse and not as bad as I thought it would be. We open to the present where Batwing is fighting Massacre and losing. Massacre uses his machete to pin batwing up against a rock, and then goes to kill a bus full of people. The we cut to six weeks ago, where Batwing takes out a convoy of gang members and killers, just as Batman arrives to lay some smack on these guys too. The leader squeels that he doesn't want to be butchered like a cow liek everyone else. Batwing and Bruce arrive at the camp and see what he means. The word WRONG is written in blood on the wall, over several butchered bodies. Batwing says he will contact the authorities. Turns out, that's him-David Zavimbe- a cop with the Tinasha police department. Apparently, this department is just as corrupt save for him, and a female officer who is struggling to be better. She actually presses an investigation of the crime scene which makes David happy. Jumping to his version of the Batcave, he meets with Bruce to discuss the case, along with David's mentor, Matu Ba (who looks like an old Nick Fury), who heads up a rescue mission for child soldiers. They discover that one of the people killed was actually a hero named earth Strike, who were part of the Kingdom, Africa's Justice League. David heads back to work to share this information, when he finds his entire precint butchered, but the girl is nowhere to be found. He turns aroudn to run, but is grabbed, and has a machete driven right through his chest. See?
Verdict: C. This is really good comic storytelling actually. In addition to great art, we meet the hero, we get some background on him, brief peek at origin, a strong clifhanger, and most importantly, we have a credible villain. The problem is the dialogue is so boring that much of this doesn't even matter. The much bigger problem is that of the Batman of Africa bit. Apparently this takes place in the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo), but it is never stated explicitly. All the other books take place in America, but there is a distinct location. I can tell you, having never set foot in Africa, that Egypt is different from South Africa which is different from Nigeria. Its just ignorant... and that's no good.

Detective Comics

This was just plain depressing to read... Daniel is not that good a writer and he tends to do everything in efforts to please his master Morrison, but it always falls flat. This is no exception. We open to Batman thinking about the death toll the Joker has had in his six years (114), and he has never been caught (So anything that involves Joker being incarcerated from previous continuity is now out the window). Batman has a plan to stop him this time. Cutting to some workshop nearby, we see a guy with a piece of skin fashioned into a mask beating up the Joker, but the Joker gets in close and rips his throat out with his teeth. The man proceeds to say this is an honor to be killed by the Joker, and the Joker obliges him by stabbing him 30 times. batman arrives, and the place explodes with fire for some reason I still haven't found. Probably just so Batman, who is about to capture the Joker when he spots a little girl trapped under some boxes, is faced with a choice. Of course the girl is saved, and the Joker, who is naked, by the way, escapes. The cops arrive and begin shooting at Batman instantly, but Gordon shows up and stops them. Batman gets the girl safely out and gets in the Batmobile and heads home and ponders why the Joker was naked. We get a full page where Batman thinks about the Joker's nudity and what it means... its just awful. He arrives in his cave and is met with a holographic Alfred who informs him that he missed another date with some girl, and Bruce just shrugs it off and says to send her something nice. He heads out to meet Gordon at the Batsignal to discuss the events of the night. Gordon tells him that the girl overheard where the Joker's hiding, and in Batman fashion, disapears once he has the info he needs. He arrives at the same time as the SWAT team and they all head up to take down the Joker, and it comes as no surprise that this is a trap, and its just a Joker doll, which explodes, killing all the SWAT guys. Batman escapes and notices one person not looking at the explosion and knows its Joker. The Joker boards a train and a litle girl points at him and says that there's a monster, the Joker begins to laugh when the girl goes on to describe the monster as a giant bat. Then the smale disapears, and the villain gets punched out. He triggers some of his signature gas and escapes. Batman cracks the windows so no one can get too much exposure, and chases him. They fight for a few pages, and the Joker is beaten. He awakens in Arkham where Batman was "smart to send him," or so says Jeremiah Arkham, restored head of the asylum. Joker is locked away in the dark, when someone comes into his cell, and the two converse like old friends. The voice asks if Joker is ready for the transformation, and he says yes and calls the man Dollmaker. Cue this final page:

So... Face/Off in a comic... fair enough.

Verdict: C. The only reason this thing rose above a D is that I think the next couple issues will be worth it. I can kinda understand that Batman and Green lantern are the only ones unaffected by the reboot for the most part, and even Green Lantern has a different title character. This is the kind of book that will get people reading. Especially if you liked Dark Knight. Its the same basic idea- Joker kills, Batman tries to stop him, and even in beating him, the Joker had already planned for this. I'll wait until next issue to make any real judgements.

Green Arrow

So, I said from the get go on Smallville that Green Arrow was pretty much Batman, but without all the copyright entanglements... this kinda proves my point. The Ollie we see here is most definitely a cardboard cutout of the version we saw on the show. And I said cardboard on purpose, because even Justin Hartley was better than what we have been give here. This thing is just plain boring. I honestly can't even review it without yawning, really. He's basically Steve Jobs with a hero complex. He doesn't have any of the personality of the Ollie we love. The villains are also uber-forgettable. The story is so second rate, that I don't know what to do with it.

Verdict: D-. This thing is ok and average in every respect, but the problem is that they took a character who I loved and turned him into Steve Jobs with a bow mixed with some lame boy band reject. Its just beyond tiring. This was a hard choice, but when it comes to reviewing, consider this book DROPPED.

Hawk and Dove

Oh Rob Liefeld... what is your appeal? I have to give my friend Stuart credit, just looking at the cover in the shop as we mocked it, he said "Can you imagine how business deals go with Rob Liefeld- 'We're going to pay you for the next 20 years to slowly learn to be almost as good as a bunch of other artists out there are naturally.'" The comic however isn't awful.. just not good. We are given our heroes, fighting a zombie on a plane, and then we get Hawk telling his dad how his brother died for the first time in three years in the midst of a relatively normal conversation. "Yeah, man, Dove really gets on my nerves. BTW, did I ever tell you when your other son was murdered by falling rocks?" The scene then cuts to Dawn and boyfriend Deadman frolicking upon rooftops and in no immediate danger, then Dove drops to street level, landing on and destroying a car. And then just walks off, without a care in the world. This thing screams early 90's as all Liefeld work does. Its like he has a time machine in his drawings, but the only place it takes you is to 1994. This comic should come with a pair of Lee jeans, a can of Surge, a Backstreet Boy single, and laserdisc of Speed 2. The comic ends with the appearance of a new bird based muscle behemoth, that apparently kills people.

Verdict: C-. I know I should drop it like GA, but I just want to see one more week. Plus all this mocking of Liefeld gives me something to do with my life, so maybe it will stay on my list... as a joke.

Justice League International

A lot of people were upset that the first issue of Justice League didn't have all the characters from the cover in the issue, and the creators responded that its almost impossible to have a book that introduces a whole team of characters at once and has a decent plot. This book does the impossible. We open on the United Nations where they want to put together a team of heroes that is under the employ of the UN, made of international heroes. They argue and argue about the roster, but decide on Fire, Ice, Rocket Red, August General in Iron, Guy Gardner, Godiva, and put Booster Gold in charge since they feel he can be easily controlled and bought. Upon meeting the team, Booster is quickly met with insults and Gardner goes so far as to walk out at the thought of being led by a sellout. But Batman shows up and stops him, and tells him that he trusts Booster, which Gardner ignores and flies off. Before the team can really get to know each other, they get their first call to go save a group of missing scientists. Batman immediately takes charge of the team (because why not?) and Booster seems to be both thankful and resentful at the same time. While we are on the topic of feelings, I have to say that I love the interaction between Rocket Red and August General. The deep-seeded feelings that the two men have for each other's country serves as a great resource for their constant bickering, which is a great read, in and of itself. The jet lands and the team is instantly attacked by a giant robot.

Verdict: A-. Its not a perfect book but it is a solid read, no doubt. I think this book would work wonders for new readers, and I think this will be a book to watch.

Men of War

Maybe, I'm just not a war kind of guy, but this book was really forgettable for me. And I actually expect this to be the first book cancelled from this week's selections, not because its bad, but because it just doesn't have the audience I think it needs. We open on two soldiers drilling another soldier for not progressing through the ranks at the rate he should. The soldier, identified as Sgt. Frank Rock's grandson, states that he is an infantryman, and not the kind of guy who needs to give orders. Needless to say, he is drafted for a mission where he will have no choice but to take charge, when the commanding officer is killed in action. There is a backup story about two soldiers in Vietnam, but its even more forgettable than the primary story.

Verdict: C. Like I said, not a bad book, but not a memorable or overwhelmingly good one either. I think I'm going to read it for next week, and if its not any good, it can consider itself Dropped.

OMAC

So, me not being a war comics guy was a surprise to no one, but the surprise to everyone this week came with this book. I was FLOORED at how good this book actually was. And after his awful run on the Outsiders, I truly believed that Didio was in the wrong career. But somehow he found a way to keep on truckin' and find the magic that made his Metal Men spot in Wednesday Comics be awesome. OMAC is a character/concept that I never really cared for, even after the huge revamp the name got right before Infinite Crisis. Here we have our human star, Kevin Kho, absent until the last two pages, and the entire story is taken from the accounts of his coworkers as the OMAC, which is Kho's enhanced body, is attacking Star Labs. This is apparently a front for Darkseid's operations, as Mokkari, D's chief scientist is running experiments with the Cadmus project. As all things with Cadmus, there are a few cameos from famous faces, including Dubbilex, the telepathic and telekinetic alien guard. Not surprisingly, OMAC takes down all those that stand in its way of destroying some prime weapon that could endanger the world... or was it that dangerous. After all the ruckus, Kevin wakes up, unaware of where he is, only remembering going to the bathroom when things got weird. He gets a cell phone call taht tells him not to worry and that everything is fine. The voice?

Look at that... the evil satellite is now looking after its host's social life. Perhaps its not so evil in this continuity, but we shall see. I love how everyone is simultaneously blase and terrified from one scene to another. This was in my top five definitely this week.

Verdict: A-. This book was full of surprises, maybe because I had such low expectations. Now next issue will be horrible because I liked this one so much.

Static Shock

The Static book is pretty much exactly what you would expect it to be... I'll have to give teh writer a hand with his characterization. He is basically Peter Parker without all the heavy "great responsibility" schtick. He seems to be ripped straight from the Milestone pages with a hint of the cartoon thrown in and the book just works really well. We open to a huge fight in downtown New York where a bunch of superpowered criminals are trying to commit robberies, but luckily Static stops them, says witty things, and then goes home to his family. I'm still trying to pinpoint the age of Static/Virgil Hawkins. He was a senior in high school on the cartoon, and here he still isn't able to drive since he is without a license. He quickly leaves his family to talk to his boss, Hardware, and goes on another patrol. This time, the villains are ready for the teen, as an assassin begins shooting at him. The bullets are repelled by his magnetic field, but the third item, some sort of laser buzz saw... well, it kinda hits the mark...

Yeah... like I said, I'll have to hand it to the writers here. All jokes aside, I feel its pretty telling that DC can't go one week intot he new world without someone losing a hand or a limb. This does not look good for Homestar Ru- I mean, Aquaman...
Verdict: B. Its a solid book and I will stick with it just to see what the reprecussions are like for the hero with only one arm... though that looks like a clean cut so maybe he'll get it all fixed up by next month.

Stormwatch

To be fair, I never read the original Stormwatch, but did enjoy a lot of the Authority. While there’s a lot of info left to be dumped, there’s enough here to keep me interested. If anything, it has the big, weird threat concept that would usually keep the Authority busy, much like the time they had to fight “God”. In this case, it’s because the moon has horns that make it look like a claw and it’s coming to kill us all. You know, years ago at work while hanging out in the break room at BAM, a stoner guy once told me that he wanted to make a movie where the antagonist was the moon and I looked at him like he was a stoner guy who told me about a movie plot where the antagonist was the moon. Maybe I should have been more supportive. There’s a scene in there where one member of Stormwatch gets taken over by an extraterrestrial deity of some sort in order to help strengthen them against the upcoming moon threat. It reminds me of the plot of the Ultimate Galactus trilogy, which I liked but thought could have been done better. So maybe we’ll get that here. The main criticisms I’ve found from elsewhere are that the art isn’t good and that it’s too set on having everyone introduce their powers. The first part didn’t really faze me. I don’t mind the art at all. The other part seems necessary. After all, this is a superhero comic where the characters don’t dress or act like superheroes. They kind of need to remind you that they’re superheroes. More than anything, I just love the concept. Ever since the reboot was announced, I was intrigued by the idea of Wildstorm characters being inserted into the DCU proper. The fact that Martian Manhunter is hanging out with this crowd instead of being the tired backbone of the Justice League makes it sweeter. There’s something fitting about him working with the likes of Hawksmoor.
Verdict: B+. Its an interesting book to say the least and the most mysterious. Also, the moon is the bad guy. How could that not be awesome?

Swamp Thing

Seeing that they are both famous in the Vertigo-verse, its no surprise that Swamp Thing just comes across as Animal Man's little brother. The main character here, Alec Holland, is just not interesting at all. We find the famed, and resurrected botanist, working as a construction worker in Louisianna when these hiccups of death begin to happen all over the world. Birds, bats, rodents- all begin to just die out in large packs. The heroes turn to Holland for answers, but he shrugs them off, saying he isn't the Swamp Thing anymore. They shrug and fly off while he suffers from random plants trying to grab him. Meanwhile at an archaelogical dig, the bones of a mammoth and several other dead things have come to life. That night, three scientists notice their finds are missing and assume them stolen. One gets a fly in his ear and begins to scream, and then BREAKS HIS OWN NECK, which is quickly followed by him chasing the other two down, and the same thing begins to happen to them. Cue this scene.
All the dead life in the area is joining together to form whatever that creature is up there. Holland is unaware of this and is about to destroy some miracle cure when Swamp Thing arrives to stop him and tell him that he needs help.

Verdict: B-. All the creepiness of Animal Man without all the personality. I think this book will get better, or it will stay on like this. Either way, I will stick with it for a few more issues.

That does it for me guys. 13 books into the new 52, and I've already dropped 1 (maybe 2), so let's see what this week has in store for us.