Marvel Universe vs. Wolverine #2

Jonathan Mayberry, Lawrence Campbell, and Lee Loughridge

“Part 2:” Previously in this alt-universe, an outbreak reducing people to the basest of stages, began with Spider-man and spread to a few sections of humanity and the metahuman community. Reed Richards, along with other brilliant members of the superhero community, has tasked Wolverine, due to his healing abilities, to help stop the outbreak before it gets too far. Trying to join up with the Xmen, Wolverine finds that they have all been turned and he had no choice but to kill them all.
Summary: We open up to Wolverine reporting back to Reed, The Thing, Hank Pym, and Beast discussing the Xmen situation. Because of his rock skin, Ben Grimm’s been charged with dealing with the captured, infected Spider-man. The scientists have discovered what the disease is, but to create an antivirus, they will need a healthy survivor of the disease. It was brought over by members of the Russian mob, but they were killed before they could sell it. The style of the mob killings points directly to one person: Frank Castle, the Punisher. As Wolverine heads out to find the Punisher, he goes by several fights between superheroes and villains, with infected on each side. Wolverine stumbles onto The Punisher, Hawkeye, and Taskmaster fighting the infected and joins in the fight. The Lizard kills Taskmaster, and is in turn killed by the Punisher. Hawkeye is bitten shortly before the fight ends, and is taken away by the military. Wolverine and Punisher head back towards the Baxter building as the Punisher talks about the mob hit from 18 months ago. He was under the impression the merchandise the mob was moving that night was a nuke. Thinking the cargo was some sort of bioweapon instead, he blew it up but was exposed to a bit of it. He was sick for a few days, but the overdose from the disease caused him to recover. As they are heading back to the Baxter building, an infected Magneto and Electro are fighting and an overload of their abilities blow out the power grid to the city. Finally making it to the base, they find the building has gone dark, and it is a bloodbath. In the 30 minutes since Wolverine spoke to Reed, everyone in the building has been killed. They find Reed, stretched to his limited and wrapped around a door, barely alive. Inside, they find Spiderman and the Beast eating Hank Pym. The Punisher blows Beast’s head off on sight. Spiderman escapes and then The Thing, now infected, shows up with Red She-Hulk and what appears to be the Invisible Woman, and begins to attack Frank, Wolverine, and Reed.
Highs: Its an interesting story and each of the characters really feels like they should… The writer clearly gets these characters.
Lows: The art is dark and really gritty, and I know that is the feel of the comic, and I think I said this last time, but there are places that I can’t tell who is who because the artist is too focused on some shot of violence.
Verdict: A-. So far so good as we reach the halfway point in this miniseries. Hopefully, this will lead up to the world we saw in Punisher vs. Marvel Universe a year or so ago.

Flashpoint: Frankenstein and the Creatures of the Unknown #2

Jeff Lemire, Ibraim Robinson, and Alex Massacci
“Our Army at Gore:” Awakening after 65 years, from a hibernation tank, Frankenstein and the Creatures of the Unknown (Vincent the Nazi Vampire, Nina the amnesiac Sea Beast, and Griff the teen Werewolf) have found themselves lost in the present world of Flashpoint. Last issue, Shrieve, the monster hunter, and granddaughter of the former head of the Creatures, was hired by Capt. Nathan Adams to kill the four.
Summary: We open to a flashback of Nina and her adopted father Dr. Shriev going over flash cards. Nina has just started her transformation into the sea creature, and has to be kept in a tank of water. Before he leaves her he tells her that one day he’ll make her better and that there’s no such thing as monsters. Well, that’s a relief… Cutting back to the present, the Creatures are making their way through Slaughter Swamp to find Nina’s home, using Griff, who seems to have a crush on Nina, to lead the way. Frankenstein is uneasy about being in the swamp, which isn’t the least bit foreboding. Back at the military base, Shriev and Adams are arguing over whether or not to use the GI Robot to help hunt down the creatures. Shrieve prefers to work alone, but she finally accepts it and heads out. The creatures stumble onto Nina’s old house and we discover that Dr. Shrieve did experimentation on his daughter to help her breathe better as a child, and the result was the amphibious mutation. Finding a waterous cavern under the house, Nina and Frankenstein dive in while Griff and Vincent trade barbs, leading to Vincent to go find some animal to eat. Shrieve and her soldiers arrive. They begin shooting up the place and Vincent is shot once and hit with a cross in the face, and as he’s about to be killed, Frankenstein shoots Shrieve in the shoulder. We then find out that she blames the creatures for the death of her grandfather. He was obsessed after the government took this group, so he formed a new group of creatures consisting of Medusa, Solomon Grundy, Man Bat (who she killed last issue), and Dr. Phosphorus. These creatures turned on him and murdered the entire family, except the granddaughter as she was hiding. Before Nina can say that they aren’t connected to that group, Shrieve shoots at her, but Griff jumps and takes the bullet. Frankenstein and Vincent take out the GI Robot, and Shrieve’s soldiers are about to start shooting them all when someone shoots all of her soldiers- Frankenstein’s wife… who has four arms. So yeah, I have no idea.
Highs: It’s once again a really fun adventure issue that seems a pretty distant thing from the rest of the Flashpoint Universe, which is a blessing.
Lows: The art has highs and lows, and I feel like a lot of the issue is too simple in places.
Verdict: A-. It’s a great book that’s not bogged down by an event or continuity, which is rare. It’s a great read, and I hate there’s only one issue left. I think I may pick up Frankenstein’s ongoing series in September if it retains the workings on this miniseries.

Frankencastle: A Retrospective

OK, I know the formatting is going to be all over the place on this so cut me some slack. I literally fought with the blog format for an hour and half... Anyway, moving on. Just last week, I finally got around to finishing Rick Remender’s infamous Franken-Castle story arc. Never have I seen a more divisive reaction to the character’s developments in all his history. At least with his whole Punishment Spectre-lite run, just about everyone hated it. I thought the whole Frankenstein concept was interesting and fun and I’ve seen many agree with me, but I’ve seen just as many hate it with the fury of a million Nick Furys. My local comic shop for months had a bulletin board with nothing up it other than Punisher #11 with a sign over it saying, “DISGRACE!” I kept forgetting to lovingly lick the covers of whatever Punisher issue I was buying while at the register.

Since Matt Fraction took up the character in Punisher: War Journal, Frank Castle has become more and more involved in the greater Marvel Universe. Outside of Jigsaw being killed off (and then being replaced with another guy taking up the mantle several issues later), not much carried over into Rick Remender’s Punisher run other than his latest injection into the superhero scene. The problem was that the Dark Reign banner put Frank’s writing in a corner. With Osborn and Hood in charge of things, he obviously had to be itching to take care of them, but even as the protagonist, he can’t. There’s far too much plot armor to work through. So how does one write a story about Frank Castle being completely impotent as an unstoppable vigilante?

The first ten issues of Punisher and the one Annual take their time to get to something super-strong. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fun bunch of issues, but the first five-issue arc is so closely melted into the second five-issue arc that there doesn’t appear to be much more than wheels spinning in place. There is one piece of interest in all this in the introduction of supporting character Henry Russo. Henry is a young hacker who tracks down Frank and makes himself the third man to take the role of Punisher’s tech-savvy sidekick. I really like Henry and want to see more from him. Thankfully, he’s gotten play in other stories like Deapdool: Suicide Kings and Anti-Venom: New Ways to Live.

Despite the borderline feeling of redundancy in the opening couple stories, things finally pay off in the end when Hood tries to buy off Frank by resurrecting his family. Panicked beyond belief, Frank forces a resurrected flame-based villain to fry his family’s resurrected bodies (as well as the resurrected Microchip’s resurrected son). We may never know if he was truly right in doing so, but it’s something he’ll hold onto until the next writer forgets about it.

Also of note is that Frank discovers that Henry is really the estranged son of the original Jigsaw and wordlessly leaves him behind in response. I dig this part because you can understand each side on this. Frank’s had a bad track record with tech sidekicks as is, so Henry was already on thin ice. Finding out he’s the son of a man Frank maimed and later killed means keeping him around is only asking for trouble. After all, why the hell was he keeping this a secret? But for Henry, there’s plenty of reason for him to feel outright betrayed. Remender gets to that later.

Things go from interesting to downright shocking in Punisher: The List, where Osborn’s had enough of Frank’s shit and sends Daken off to take care of him. Daken’s been needing a bit of a rub to make him more to the world than Marvel vs. Capcom 2 Bone-Claw Wolverine, so he gets to do this.

Ouch. There you go. Frank’s dead. Not for long, though! The cover for Punisher #11 is revealed and much discussion is had. My own reaction was more cautiously optimistic. At best, it could be a fun-as-hell status quo with ridiculous shit that shows another angle on what makes the character work. At worst, it would be something to make fun of. Considering how outrageous the concept is, I’d be satisfied either way.

Let’s look at the Franken-Castle experiment one step at a time. First is the opening six issue arc with Tony Moore taking the brunt of the art. Daken tossed the chopped up remains of Frank off the side of a building and when some HAMMER goons try to find the pieces, they meet up with a handful of Moloids. Moloids are the easiest to kill of all villain fodder, but they have Man-Thing standing up for them! There’s something great about the enigmatic swamp monster having the backs of the meek creatures that it would never meet up with in any other story. Man-Thing takes care of the HAMMER soldiers, allowing the Moloids to scamper off with the pieces of Frank.

Frank wakes up enraged to find Morbius the Living Vampire panicking over how he isn’t finished yet. Frank, out of his mind, strangles Morbius, demanding to know what he did to him. Morbius points to the mirror to his side.

And here… we… go.

Franken-Castle goes on a rampage, dealing with all the new supporting characters as a way of introduction. They’re mostly mainstay Marvel monsters different between those I know, those I know of and those I had never heard of. Werewolf by Night is the cynical, angry one who wants Castle dead ASAP. Man-Thing is the loyal and trusting mute soldier. Living Mummy is the wisest and calmest of them all. Manphibian (he’s not in this sequence, but I might as well mention him) shares Living Mummy’s compassion, but is grounded to the point of being the most human one in their little civilization. Morbius is the leader and while he is the smartest of the monsters and is flawed in priorities, he suffers from a lack of any real characterization in Remender’s run. He comes off more as Morbius the Living Plot Device. He’s the reason Frank is put back together. He’s the reason the bad guy is after them. He’s the reason Frank goes back to normal later on. The only thing Morbius really gets out of this run is a quick badass scene in the sixth issue.

There is one other character, new and created for this story. Franken-Castle stumbles into an underground church of monsters and everyone runs for it, screaming in fear. The only one who stays put is the priest, who appears to look like a black, molten version of the Thing in a black robe. He speaks gospel to Frank, but the problem is that Frank’s mind is more broken than usual. As the Living Mummy and the Lava Priest each try to talk Frank down, each one randomly stumbles into a word or phrase that only proves to set Frank off even more. Living Mummy claims that the League of Monsters are Frank’s new family and the mere mention of “family” makes Frank remember his recent experiences with the Hood and Microchip. Lava Priest tells him about God’s plan and how God doesn’t make mistakes. I don’t need to tell you why Frank would take offense at that.

Then this over-the-top story takes another over-the-top turn. There’s more to the priest than meets the eye.

That giant lava monster has a lava tumor that is lava ordained. This is awesome.

Finally subdued, Frank is given a special pill that he has to take regularly to keep him from the Incredible Hulk mentality. Morbius gives the backstory and explains the strange events from the opening few pages, where Japanese men in cyber shogun outfits have been slaughtering innocent monsters under the orders of a man they call “Captain of Science”. The Hunters of Monster Special Force have shown up recently to eradicate any and all monsters. None of the superhero teams have come to the rescue, so the Legion of Monsters have banded together to gather survivors and bring them to the old Morlock tunnels under New York City. They need Frank for his military experience.

Despite seeing the bad condition of all the monsters, Frank decides that this isn’t his fight.

We get our first glance of our true villain, portrayed as a decrepit head in a glass jar atop a shadowy metal frame, as he and his Japanese minions torture a captured Manphibian. He refuses to tell them where the League of Monsters are hiding, but the Captain of Science shows that he doesn’t need his info. He already knows from torturing and murdering Manphibian’s children, which he proves by showing him the grizzly remains. Why did he do all this when he doesn’t need the information? Because he’s a dick.

Frank is still in the catacombs of the monster society’s land where he contemplates committing suicide to make up for what he did to his family’s reanimated bodies. He’s soon befriended by a Moloid child in a Devo shirt, who says nothing, but offers Frank chocolate and watches TV with him. He still isn’t going to help them, even though Living Mummy leads him around Monster Metropolis and shows him what’s at stake. One minor touch I really liked is how in one hallway is a painting of the original lineup of the Midnight Sons next to a more up-to-date painting of the Midnight Sons from Marvel Zombies 4.

This issue mainly shows off the Bloodstone, a cursed relic that the villain appears to be after. Morbius has been holding onto it, as it keeps his thirst for blood at bay. Part of him wants to find a safer place for it, but it’s quick to take control of his mind. The Lava Priest, who found the Bloodstone in the first place, warns him that they’re in great danger the longer he holds onto it, but it’s too late. The Hunters of Monster Special Force has arrived and they’re already killing. Morbius tries to hide the Bloodstone, but the armored Captain of Science, named Robert Hellsgaard, appears to overpower him and steal the stone for himself. He commands a minion to bring Morbius along for torture.

It’s been two issues so far and despite the ridiculous nature of what’s going on, there hasn’t been much in terms of action or, more importantly, punishment. It’s been a lot of concept building, but nothing in terms of payoff. Then the final two pages show us that we’re going to get some nice payoff very, very soon. Check this shit out.

The third issue is nothing but lots of ass kicking as well as kickass death scenes. Monster hunters are clawed to pieces. One is cut in half with a katana and doesn’t even realize it for a few seconds. A man gets a large gun barrel shoved down his throat, then a bomb shoved down the barrel, followed by having his body thrown at his fellow hunters.

The guy who gets it the worst is Yamato, the head lieutenant in Hellsgaard’s army. First he’s shot with several shells that are initially caught in his body armor. The shells transform into – I shit you not – drill spiders and burrow into his insides and make him cough up blood. When he tries to join his leader Hellsgaard in safety as his helicopter flies him away, Franken-Castle does the Fastball Special with Man-Thing.

Oh, Jesus. Frank is smiling.

It’s decided that even though this is all Morbius’ fault, they really need to go rescue him and get the Bloodstone back. It’ll make Hellsgaard near unstoppable and if they don’t nip this problem in the bud now, he’ll come back to destroy Monster Metropolis soon enough. To calm us down from all the action we just witnessed, we get an issue of Henry reciting the history of Robert Hellsgaard.

Henry mentions that Frank woke him up in the middle of the night with a shotgun poked to the ribs with Frank looking like he does, which is mostly played for laughs. That’ll come back into play later.

As it turns out, Hellsgaard isn’t regarded as a villain too often in the articles Henry finds. In some countries, he’s considered a total hero and has a following. The only damning file he can find is one belonging to the Howling Commandos from the failed monster-based relaunch of several years back.

Hellsgaard was a brilliant inventor born in the 1800′s. He returned to his village after a lengthy leave of absence to find the entire population dead. Everyone, including his wife and children, were mauled to death by werewolves. He ended up having to kill his werewolf wife with a silver knife and then went around killing every single one of them, or at least stabbing their human corpses before the infection could take. Since werewolves turn back to human when they die, he got the blame. Later he was rescued by famed monster hunter Ulysses Bloodstone.

The two became brothers in arms and killed a lot of monsters, but it only proceeded to increase Hellsgaard’s hunger. They came up with two ways to help rid the world of monsters more efficiently. One, Hellsgaard built a portal to limbo in order to toss the monsters prone to resurrection. Two, he created his own steampunk Iron Man armor with weaponry created specifically to kill certain monsters.

I should note that Dan Brereton takes the artist role in these flashback pages. The painted images are brilliantly done and feel like they belong to whatever genres the scenes reflect. When Hellsgaard and Bloodstone deal with Dracula, it looks like a classic 70′s Marvel Dracula story. When we later see some giant monsters in Japan, they look like giant rubber suits given life.

And yes, I mentioned Dracula. Probably the most amusing part of this retelling by Henry is how he refuses to get over Dracula being part of this. It’s like he’s breaking the fourth wall and telling us, “Look at this. I’m in a f#cking Punisher story and I’m talking about Dracula as being a damned player in what’s going on! What is this?!”

Dracula found out about Hellsgaard’s new bag of tricks and had a fight with the two monster hunters. He ended up knocking the suited-up Hellsgaard into the portal and the poor bigot had to spend his time hanging out in limbo with nothing to do. The armor kept him alive somehow, albeit he did still age to an extent.

In the 70′s, Japan had a big problem with all those giant radioactive monsters tearing their cities apart. Yamato, the eventual victim of Man-Thing’s touch, discovered Hellsgaard’s notes. Soon, he and his scientist brethren started to idolize him. They traveled to Hellsgaard’s castle in the Alps, turned on the portal and brought him back to the land of the living. They bowed in his presence and worshipped him. Hellsgaard took to being their leader and helped exterminate all the giant creatures terrorizing Tokyo. Then they moved on to the vampires. Then they moved on to the other monsters. Basically, anything that qualified as a monster in their eyes. Then they went after morlocks, mutants and really ugly people.

Therein lies a problem.

“Robert Hellsgaard hates monsters! And he’s half monster! And he hates irony!”

“Robert Hellsgaard? I hear he goes about nine-feet-tall and weighs two and a half tons!”

“He’ll eat a hunchback if you dare him!”

“Are you guys talking about Robert Hellsgaard?! I KNOW Robert Hellsgaard!”

“Then let me buy you a round, Dracula!”

Sorry, lost track of where I was going with that. So yeah, dude’s pretty much a monster. Rather than accept that, he and his boys have been trying to find some way to heal him up and make him more human. That’s where the Bloodstone comes in. Not only will it bring him back to normal, but it’ll make him increasingly powerful and driven to kill.

There are two things I really like about this look at Hellsgaard. One, he’s an obvious foil for the Punisher. His family was murdered. Only he has the skills and insight available to take revenge. He’s brutal and won’t stop killing. The difference between the two is the difference between “monster” as a description of visual identity and “monster” as a description of behavior. Frank Castle hunts down humans who have monster behavior. Hellsgaard hunts down monsters who may or may not have such behavior. It doesn’t matter to him and by this point, the ratio has him skewing far more to the innocent victims.

That’s really the point of the whole Franken-Castle storyline. Dress him up in a silly appearance and have him interact with swamp creatures all you like, Frank Castle is still Frank Castle. Evil is still evil. Punishment is still punishment. Remender handed Frank’s fate some strange lemons, but Frank will make his lemonade regardless.

The other thing I like about Hellsgaard is that he doesn’t have to be strictly a Punisher villain. I genuinely think that he can be brought back and be used as a major player in the supervillain community. The guy murders mutants after all.

Roland Boschi fills in as artist for an issue and the art definitely takes a step or two down. His stuff isn’t so bad, outside of a couple odd facial expressions and how utterly awkward Franken-Castle’s body looks. It just lacks the punch of Moore’s work.

This issue is another action-based one where Frank sneaks off alone to rescue Morbius and Manphibian. The craziness keeps up as Frank flies in on a dragon and uses it to cause quite a body count. Then Nazi zombies show up out of nowhere and Frank has to fight them off with shotguns and machetes. Luckily, he’s able to keep them busy by feeding them some of Hellsgaard’s henchmen. While Frank does find Morbius and Manphibian, he’s then cornered by a Bloodstone-fueled Hellsgaard, setting up for the climax.

This last issue of the arc is a fantastic one, as it’s one big Franken-Castle vs. Hellsgaard boss fight. Morbius seems almost dead from torture and Manphibian gets shot in the head before screaming to Frank to avenge his children. Frank too is beaten, since his need for a pill is worsened by being completely outnumbered. Hellsgaard tosses Manphibian into the portal and prepares to do the same for Frank. Instead, Frank tears the head off one henchman and tosses the body onto the dying Morbius. It works out so the neck wound is right over Morbius’ face. Frank tackles Hellsgaard and they both end up in limbo.

Remember when I said Morbius got one cool scene?

The Hellsgaard fight is a good one. It starts off one-sided with Hellsgaard confident. As it continues, Frank keeps getting momentum and Hellsgaard keeps taking him back down. Yet each time, Hellsgaard becomes more and more dramatic. Though Frank isn’t 100% in terms of control over his body, he’s still able to mess with his head. Soon he’s doubting himself. Hellsgaard’s realizing that he might not live through this after all. This doubles when Frank is able to smash the glass covering Hellsgaard’s head.

With the two barely holding together, the fight isn’t won by either. It’s Manphibian who makes the victory his by climbing up the back of Hellsgaard’s armor and tearing him from the contraption. Though there’s a rather large hole in his head, Manphibian points out that his brain is in his neck. Frank prevents Manphibian from going the revenge route and instead they walk through the portal with the help of Morbius.

As Frank is carried out by the two men he was sent to save, he mentions that they should just leave Hellsgaard alone. The weak, old man thanks him for his showing of mercy. Frank takes a second to smirk at him. “Yeah right. …Mercy.” And we’re left with a shot of Hellsgaard kneeling next to his smoking armor, imprisoned in limbo yet again.

Those six issues were definitely a blast, but the arc was merely the honeymoon. Sadly, it’s over. At #17, the series goes from being Punisher to Franken-Castle, but the name change only adds to the disappointment. You see, the opening arc knows that transforming Frank is a risky maneuver, but goes out of the way to show reasons why it works. Afterwards, Franken-Castle’s existence is nearly secondary to the story.

The next two issues, with Roland Boschi and then Jefte Palo on art, are based on Frank getting back to business and hunting down those loose ends that Marvel can afford to let him kill. But first, we do get some good follow-up to the previous arc.

Frank’s body is in bad, bad shape. Morbius can’t fix him up like he inexplicably did before (seriously, I don’t think they ever did explain how he actually came back to life), so Living Mummy suggests using the Bloodstone. On one hand, it’ll gradually fix him up. On the other hand, it’ll make him too much of a handful if it goes to his head or – even worse – if he goes nuts from lack of pills. At least it’s a good place to keep it safe.

There’s a scene where Manphibian comes to tell him about a problem they have in light of their recent adventure. It’s a nice, subtle touch how you see Frank wordlessly take notice as there’s not only a painting of him in the one hallway, but he’s been added to the series of statues honoring the League of Monsters. Anyway, they have all the surviving members of the Hunters of Monster Special Force locked up, but they don’t know what to do with them. The authorities won’t give a damn about how they killed monsters, so what do they do?

Manphibian tells the prisoners to all calm down, since he doesn’t plan on killing them.

This scene is a bit of a double-edged sword. Sure, it’s a good way of showing that Manphibian is the type of lagoon creature to take the higher road than Frank and Hellsgaard, but it’s kind of a dick thing for Frank to do. The last issue had him prevent Manphibian from committing murder for the sake of vengeance and now he’s basically saying, “Just kidding, go to town.”

The best scene from this short arc comes from Frank waking up initially. Henry tends to him and tells him to take things easy, especially because Morbius says that’s the best idea. Frank isn’t hearing any of it and asks Henry if he’s found any missions for him to take part in. Henry starts to vent about how Frank asks so much of him despite having screwed up his life again and again. Frank blew up Henry’s home in an earlier story, then went and left him alone with no conversation because he’s Jigsaw’s son. Then he gets killed in front of Henry and comes back from the dead to wake him up in the middle of the night. Henry is pissed and yet Frank still asks, “You find us some work?”

Henry snaps even further. He talks about how he’s been spending the last few weeks in a sewer, feeding Frank, cleaning his wounds and taking care of his bedpan. In a fit of anger, he even throws said bedpan at Frank. As it bounces off his robotic shoulder, Frank still shows no response.

“Cleaning your bedpan for the past few weeks goes FAAAAAR beyond making up for what my dad ever did! No more cold and sadistic garbage from you. You want to keep working with me – we will have an understanding. This crap is going to end. Now.”

They should have brought Henry in to tell off Batman circa 2005. The kid would have set him straight.

Funny that the son of Jigsaw is described as “put together”.

As Franken-Castle visits the reburied bodies of his family, he finds himself hunted down by the Shaolin Scientist Squad (from an earlier Remender story) and later Lady Gorgon (who attacked Frank back during Fraction’s run). He touches base with Henry, who he has gathering intel on various enemies of Frank to later hunt down and gets the info he needs to find Lady Gorgon. The following issue involves Frank fighting a bunch of Hand ninjas and chasing Lady Gorgon through Tokyo. It’s a big chase sequence that ends with Lady Gorgon going to her sensei for help and being stabbed instead. Frank tells Henry that he’s moving on to Daken next.

It wasn’t really a BAD issue, but even as a story that has Frank crushing two ninja’s heads together, it really breaks the momentum of the Franken-Castle concept. Like with how those opposed to One More Day/Brand New Day will point out that you didn’t NEED to make Spider-Man single to write most of the stories, the same argument could be made that you don’t NEED to make Frank Castle a patchwork man to have him hunt down Lady Gorgon and kill ninjas. I bet if they simply shoved the Bloodstone into him in the first place and downplayed the Frankenstein aspect, angry fans would be a lot less angry.

I’m going to stop for a second to mention the only guest appearance Frank’s made in this form in another comic. Deadpool Team-Up #894 is about Deadpool being hired by an attractive woman who wants vengeance for her innocent husband being killed in the Punisher’s crossfire. Deadpool is taken in by her hotness and takes the job, noting to himself that the Punisher is already dead. So instead, his mission becomes to find a blood-soaked Punisher shirt so he can use that as evidence.

The writing is by Ivan Brandon with the art by Sanford Greene. Greene’s art is pretty nice for the most part, but every now and then you’ll see some weird anatomy around the eyes. I guess you can chalk it up to cartoonish charm.

See what I mean? I think this panel perfectly shows why Deadpool is the best character to use in a crossover with Franken-Castle. He’s the only one who can acceptably point out how utterly fucked this all is and then fit in with the silliness.

Wade wades through the sewer and comes across Xemnu the Titan, a big, white-furred mute that only communicates with projections of flashbacked events. Xemnu leads Deadpool to Monster Metropolis, where nobody bats an eye at his unmasked appearance.

Heheh. Can’t beat the classics.

Deadpool sees that Frank needs his pills to stay in control and decides it’s a great idea to not only steal the pills, but down them himself. It does make him sick in the end, but not in any comedic way that would normally befit the story. He simply just gets ill for two panels. What a letdown.

The two fight it out and much fun is had. Frank gets impaled with katanas, Deadpool gets a flamethrower through the throat, Deadpool gets smashed through the floor and when he tries to use a chainsaw, Frank is able to catch it with his hand and throw it back. With only a few pages left before the writer runs out of space, they get Frank to take his pills and Xemnu shows that the woman who hired Deadpool is also a criminal and her husband wasn’t so innocent after all. Frank is ready to punish Deadpool, but he barters his way out of it by offering a team-up to take care of the woman who set them against each other.

By the time they do make themselves known, we find that the woman had been using her seductive magic on a backup plan.

A Wolverine guest appearance is a good enough segue to move back into the main series. The next story Punishment takes place over the course of four issues. It starts in Dark Wolverine #88, then goes to Franken-Castle #19, Dark Wolverine #90 and Franken-Castle #20. Tony Moore is back on the Franken-Castle issues while the writers of Dark Wolverine are Daniel Way and Marjorie Liu with Stephen Segovia and Paco Diaz on art.

The art in both series is great and the fighting is fun too, but it really didn’t need to be four issues long. It really could have been two at most. It didn’t even need to take place in both comics either. Usually a stunt like this is so they can get a sales spike for either comic, but both Dark Wolverine and Franken-Castle were scheduled for cancellation by the following issue. Hell, the final Dark Wolverine came out before the finale of Punishment.

Also, the big problem is that we know that we’re only going to get blue balls. We know that as much as Daken and Franken-Castle want to kill each other, neither is going to succeed this time and there’s nothing that’s going to change either’s mind.

Let’s get through this by the round.

Round 1: Frank beats up Daken, but his vitals are going awry. He ends up letting Daken slip away while he takes a pill. Daken took notice that there was some red glowing in Frank’s chest.

Round 2: Daken hunts down Frank, but it becomes Roadrunner vs. Coyote. Don’t believe me?

Frank owns Daken again and again and again, each time more painful than the last. Finally, he picks him up and prepares to toss him down a pool of wet cement. That’s when Wolverine comes by to save his son.

Round 3: Frank is so busy fighting Wolverine that Daken gets away again. Frank wins the fight, but is too strapped for time to send Wolverine into the cement. He climbs out of a manhole just in time to get run over by Daken driving a truck. Daken proceeds to cut open Frank’s chest and steal the Bloodstone for himself. With Daken amped up and Frank weak, he’s able to throw him around like a ragdoll, murder police with even more ease and ignore it when he’s run over by a truck. He also bitches out Frank.

“Dusty old turd from an entitled generation doesn’t know when to shuffle off to the old folk’s home. It’s not your fault. You’re a victim of ego. All those years, people cowering before your reputation. But that’s all it is. Reputation. Perception. In reality – you’re a hack. An aging B-list starlet, desperately pole dancing. Anything to feel like you’re still in the show. A sad ego pleading for relevancy. Same ego went and pointed your sniper rifle on a man fantastically out of your league. Do you feel significant now, you faltering geezer?!

“You should have stuck to gangsters, Castle. Greasy Italian stereotypes, drug barons, turf wars, corrupt politicians – but it was too small fry for the ego. All just overcompensation for a profound inferiority complex born of one abject failure – you couldn’t protect your family.”

The only thing saving Frank is that Daken starts growing gross tumors all over.

Round 4: Wolverine electrocutes Frank to get him back to his feet. They fight Daken on top of a helicopter and crash it into the top of a building. Frank puts a gun to Daken’s head and bitches him back.

“All that big talk back there. What a failure I am.”

“Got to you, did it?”

“Funny is all. Coming from you.”

“From me it’s funny, huh? Why’s that?”

“Reputation coattail rider, dressed up like someone else, lecturing me about compensation. I built my reputation. Ground up. You? Snuck into the show on another man’s back. You’re just a poser.”

Daken jumps at Frank and stabs him, allowing Frank to get close enough to shove a grenade into Daken’s ribcage. The explosion knocks him back and all those tumors reappear a hundredfold. Just a sea of gross flesh, looking like that thing from Akira. Frank tells Wolverine that the healing factor and Bloodstone were having a weird effect on Daken, so causing the healing factor to kick made him an explosion of tumors. Wolverine cuts out the Bloodstone, puts it back to Frank and has a brief argument about how he can’t allow him to kill his son. I do like how they briefly touch on how Wolverine is trying to protect his son from the madman who lost his marbles because his son was killed.

Wolverine turns around once to see Daken’s gone and turns around again to see that Frank’s gone. And that’s it! That’s the story. They stop hunting each other because the crossover is over.
Frank’s return to normalcy was sadly telegraphed long ahead of time by showing up in the dreadful first issue of Shadowland. It would finally come to be in Franken-Castle #21 with Dan Brereton back on art. The setup is that Henry and the League of Monsters have sent Frank to Monster Island in order to spend weeks away from humanity. Frank heals up over time and takes to the jungle life. Where the strong prey on the weak, Frank is there to prey on the strong.

Brereton is the best choice to do this issue, far more than even Moore. When it’s time for the normal, human version of Frank Castle to show himself, there’s an epic feeling of, “I’m BACK!”

Look at that! It feels like a big deal. The good news is that he’s fully cured of being a patchwork monster. The bad news is that the Bloodstone is eating away at his rage, making him think even crazier thoughts. He’s beginning to go further and further off the deep end with thoughts of how he’s going to completely change the world. Henry, the monsters and Else Bloodstone (daughter of Ulysses and star of Nextwave) talk about how they need to separate Frank from the Bloodstone NOW.

When they get to the island, Manphibian tries to talk Frank down. We see Frank’s thoughts are balanced between paranoia and confused understanding, but before he can make his decision, he’s shot at by Elsa. Manphibian is understandably upset, but not nearly as upset as Frank. He thinks they’re all out to steal his lucky charms, so he prepares to hunt them down.

He outfights the monsters and makes a complete fool out of Elsa several times over. It takes the combined wisdom of Werewolf by Night and the Living Mummy to finally win Frank over. Werewolf by Night defends Elsa from being murdered despite being a monster hunter and Living Mummy points out how the Bloodstone is altering Frank and taking away his ability to distinguish between the innocent and the guilty. It’s the only thing redeeming about him and is the only thing separating him from the likes of Hellsgaard. This speaks to Frank and gives him the will to cut the gem out of his chest and throw it at Elsa.

Aw, look at the poor, crying Manphibian.

Again, Morbius didn’t do anything of note.

There’s a backup story in that issue about Frank going back to New York City to be his usual street level self, but that’s basically the end of the whole Franken-Castle episode. I’ve noticed how blunt the endings are. Once the climax is finished, the story simply ends. No conclusion or anything. Hellsgaard’s defeated and END. Lady Gorgon is stabbed and END. Frank and Daken escape unnoticed and END. Have your stupid Bloodstone and END.

The other issues have their own pattern. Each cliffhanger ends with a cheesy one-liner best imagined to be performed by David Caruso.

YEAAAAAAH!!

So now that Frank is back to being Frank, how do I feel? I guess it’s time. Really, I wish Remender and Marvel in general could have done more with the concept. The first six issues of Frank being a monster was some excellent stuff, but they really blew their wad. Everything that followed couldn’t hold up to the balls-to-the-wall feel that helped make it all work. The concept needed a lot of momentum to keep people interested and to keep the positive word of mouth out there to help silence the outrage, but it couldn’t keep up the strength. The last issue was very good, but it only serves as a reminder of what could have been.

If anything, I think this experiment (as well as Marvel Zombies 4) has shown that we need a League of Monsters on-going series. I’d read the shit out of that. At least give us more Lava Priest.

Flashpoint: Citizen Cold

Scott Kollins

"Cold Hearted:" Leornard Snart, Captain Cold, is known as the archenemy of the Flash and the leader of the Rogues, but in the world of Flashpoint, Snart is a hero. Calling himself Citizen Cold, Snart is a hyper violent crimefighter, who also abuses his status as a hero. Last time, after discovering who Cold really was, photographer Wally West was murdered by Cold to keep his secret.

Summary: We open to Iron Heights prison where former Rogues Mirror Master, Weather Wizard, Trixter, Tarpit, Fallout, and Black Mass (whose dies because his explosion is the escape) are escaping to go kill Cold. Cold's sister, Lisa, is also being held in the prison for murdering her abusive father. On the way out of the prison, the rogues grab Lisa and head into the forest. We catch up with the Pied Piper who gets a text from Wally to meet him at a warehouse. Arriving at the adress, Piper finds the warehouse burned to the ground and Wally's burned body inside. Cutting to Cold the next day, he is having lunch with Iris West who is doing an interview with him, but her nephew Wally has gone missing. Cold cranks up the creepiness in the interview nearly kissing her when he gets a text from an InsideMan who informs him of his sister's kidnapping and the location of the rogues. At a nearby observatory the rogues are gathering their strength, when Cold shows up and the fight ensues. Fallout blasts him with radiation, chastising him for murdering Mr. Freeze/ Weather Wizard attacks next, wanting to know what happened to his brother, Tarpit wants a lot of money that Cold took, Trixter is upset because his hero, the first Trickster was murdered by Cold. And Mirror Master is pissed because Cold didn't finish him and just trapped him in a mirror forever. Cold attacks Trixter and although Tarpit tries to block the attack, being knocked backwards he ends up killing Trixter by falling on him. Weather Wizard starts to fight Cold again while Fallout goes after his sister. Wizard gets his arms frozen, and assumably broken, while Fallout burns the skin off of Lisa, and she dies just as Cold gets to her. The remaining villains surround Cold, and the "hero" sets off a bomb blowing the Observatory up with them all in there. Piper gets the evidence of who Cold is and gets the recording of his murder of Wally, but as he gets back to his hideout, he finds Cold has left a bomb in there, and it blows up. Back with Iris, she is nearly hit by a car as she waits by the docks for an informant. The car's door opens and the driver, Cold, falls out of it, covered in blood.
Highs: I'm a huge fan of Captain Cold and I think he's, and all the rogues, are really fun characters. Its nice to see some changes.
Lows: However, Cold is even more unlikable and is even more of a horrible douchebag than he is when he is a villain. Also the art is sketchy and really rough.
Verdict: B-. I had high hopes for this book, but honestly it feels like wasted potential in the long run. I suppose we shall see what the last issue brings. Anyone care to heat up this Cold blog?

Flashpoint: Deathstroke and the Curse of Ravager #2

Jimmy Palmiotti, Joe Bennett, and Tony Shasteen

"Red Tide:" Deathstroke the Terminator, Slade Wilson, is one of the deadliest assassins alive and in the world of Flashpoint he is not much different. Now captaining a ship manned by other supervillains, Slade searches the seas around the sunken continent of Europe, while searching for his daughter.When we last left Slade, he had just defeated Warlord's main vessel, but before he could fully pillage the other ship, Aquaman and Ocean Master arrive and the Atlantean king stabs Slade through the chest.

Summary: The Atlanteans begin slaughtering the crew, beginning with Machiste who is quickly decapitated. The Tattooed Man is quickly eviscerated by Ocean Master as Aquaman punches a hole through the Scavenger's head. 5 pages in and we are rivaling Grodd of War for violence condensing. Clayface is tackled by Aquaman into the ocean and the villain is pushed down so far into the water, that his eyes pop out and he begins to dissapate... but then again, that guy's near impossible to kill so maybe he'll come back. Icicle is knocked into the Slade's quarters, and survives, but releases the glass encased girl they lifted last issue. Aquaman returns to the ship and calls his brother to go... that there is nothing on this ship, just scraps. Slade tries to shoot Aquaman but passes out before he can get the shot. We cut over to Warlord on a hip who has gotten word that Slade's ship is still in his waters, so he heads out for revenge. Slade wakes up from the Eel shaking him and just repeats his daughter's name over and over. Icicle wakes up near the captive Sonar who Icicle agrees to rescue. The two climb up to the main cabin, where Eel is trying to revive Slade, acting as a defibrillator. Sonar agrees to help Slade heal and gets ome metal shrapnel out of the assassin if Sonar can be second in command and is no longer a prisoner, to which Slade happily goes along with. Slade gets healed up and he and Sonar discuss whether or not to dive down into the Louvre beneath them or to get out before Aquaman comes back. In the end, they honor the fallen crew members and start heading out. They don't get too far before Warlord fires a cannon and barely misses the ship. Warlord and his fleet ask them to surrender or die, which Slade responds with shooting Warlord through the eye. Before either side can get another shot off, Warlord's ship explodes, followed by the other two. Turning around, they see the girl from the containment unit, Jenny Blitz, who apparently can blow things up with her mind. Due to this startling revelation, she decides she should be captain now.
Highs: Lots of violence without being too over the top. Writing is not bad. Plus, Pirate Deathstroke is an awesome idea.
Lows: The art is shakey in places where it should be really simple, and I'd like to see the story advance more than it is.
Verdict: A-. Again, a great Flashpoint title that doesn't seem tethered to the main series very much... which is pretty awesome. James, we haven't really heard from you in a while. What are your thoughts on Pirate Deathstroke?

Booster Gold #46

Dan Jurgens, Ig Guara, and Norm Rapmund

"Turbulence:" Greatest hero you've never heard of Booster Gold spent much of his superhero career in the aim of personal gain, but after his best friend, Ted Kord, was murdered, he cleaned up his act and became serious about his heroics. Now, a force for correcting broken timelines, Booster finds himself amongst the altered world of Flashpoint, hunted by the military, believing him to be Atlantean. Last time, Doomsday, known as Project 6, had broken free of his controller, Capt. Adams, and is now just a beast off the leash.
Summary: Believing that it was Booster's fault that Doomsday malfunctioned, the army, unable to see the ensuing destruction, is helpless as Doomsday begins his rampage. Booster gets beaten up pretty bad, and is able to do little to stop the beast. The military is really upset because they think the creature will just stand there as the Atlanteans just beat it and kill it, completely unaware of the true consciousness in the creature. Booster wakes up miles away with the dark haired woman treating his wounds. We find out that she is also a metahuman who can take people's powers, abilities, and skills just by touching them. So, to summarize in Heroes terms, she's Peter Petrelli (Season 4). Together they find the helmet that controls Doomsday and race to find the creature and reattach it. Meanwhile, Doomsday destroys a bus full of people and heads for Metropolis. The army finally patches back into the helmet, and still believes that Booster is to blame, despite seeing Doomsday rampaging through the city, and think Booster is using Atlantean powers to make Doomsday do this. Booster calls them idiots and finally catches up to Doomsday adn fights him some more, losing for the most part. The beast goes to kill parasite powered woman, and Booster slaps the helmet on the creature just in time. then Capt. Adams takes control and begins beating Booster to death. Our final page reveals Doomsday holding up Booster by the head, apparently dead.
Highs: The art is consistant and the dialogue works really well. Its a well written comic.
Lows: My problem is with the Flashpoint world. Last issue Booster found out that Thomas Wayne was still alive. This issue we get a page of his reaction that Thomas Wayne has casinos in Gotham. It just seems tacked on.
Verdict: A-. Overall, I think its a pretty solid comic and I've always been a big fan of Booster Gold so this goes right with what I like.

Flashpoint: Emperor Aquaman #2

Tony Bedard, Vincente Cifuentes, Diana Egea
My title: "Aquaman is a Douche and an Idiot:" Seriously... this guy is awful and I know that this could have been an awesome story for him to be as kickass as his animated form. Either one. But instead, we are constantly given a history lesson with the character, and that history is terribly boring, and even in action packed moments, he still reads like cardboard. So here goes more of the same.
Summary: We open to the present surprisingly, with Aquaman's sub waiting outside of New Themiscyra. Aquaman, his brother Orm (Ocean Master), sister-in-law Siren, and General Rodunn are discussing the plot to kill Terra, the girl responsible for killing Aquaman's wife Mera, and raising the British Isles another mile above sea level. General Rodunn expresses a point that Orm is untrustworthy, but this is ignored because Orm is the king's brother, therefore the most trustworthy person ever. Perhaps instead of sinking the libraries of Europe, he should have checked out some Shakespeare. We then go 26 years back to the night Thomas Curry met Atlanna. This is beyond stupid... Aquaman's 25? How can this be on timeline with regular continuity when he should be in his 30's by now? I hate anachronisms... Anyway, this part remains pretty consistant witht he regular version: Fisherman saves, and falls for, a mermaid, then she gets pregnant and is taken back to Atlantis. The baby is born blonde, and he is tossed out like garbage and somehow finds his way back to his father. Jumping to the present, we see Orm and Siren attack the Themiscyrian palace to kill Terra, but they are stopped by her aunt, Penthiselia, who quickly dispatches Siren and accost Orm for showing up in person. Aquaman, not getting a signal from his team, decides he wants to head to the surface himself. We then cut back to the past so we can see where the Flashpoint world diverges. Thomas, knowing that the Atlanteans would kill Arthur refused to let him go out into the water, despite Arthur being able to hear the voices calling. Finally, on Arthur's 13th birthday, Atlanteans appear at Thomas's door and believing they are there to kill his son, he fights them and is killed. They are there, in fact, to take Arthur to his rightful home in Atlantis as the king. Arthur sees his father as a weak man and never takes on the values that he tried to instill in him. Jump 18 years from that to the present. See the time frame? 13 plus 18= Not 25. Back in the present, knowing of the security breach, Wonder Woman sends her Furies (Terra, Huntress, Hawkgirl, and Cheetah), and Wonder Woman bursts through the ship, and confonts Aquaman.

Highs: It was better than the last issue, no doubt, but that's not saying much. The art here is actually really good, and that's always a booster.

Lows: Bad writing and really boring take on a surprisingly complex character. Also, someone needs to learn math.

Verdict: C. The sooner this Aqua/Amazon war is over the better... its really sucking the good stuff out of really great books. I would advise reading this if you are a fan of Aquaman, or a sucker for event tie-ins. Otherwise, just skip it.

Flashpoint: Knight of Vengeance #2

Brian Azzerello and Eduardo Risso

"Untitled:" So, there's a lot to get through with this issue, and unlike the others, the entire story is predicated on spoilers. So, if you don't want it spoiled, don't read any further. All others, get ready. When the summary reaches 88 words, you're gonna read some serious shit. Previously, Batman was tasked with finding Judge Dent's twin kids.

Summary: We open to Commissioner Gordon talking to the Penguin about the state of Thomas Wayne and his double life. Gordon’s still shaken by the comment Wayne made about changing the world if he had a chance, to which Gordon takes as Thomas telling him he needed to do more. Penguin reassures him that he and Thomas are best friends, and Gordon’s off to see the Oracle. It becomes blatantly obvious that this Oracle is very different from the Barbara Gordon version. Mostly because of the low tech. Also, the sheer number of cats. Yes, the Oracle of Flashpoint is a wheelchair bound Selina Kyle, however, unlike Barbara, she is a full quadriplegic. She informs Gordon that a John Doe was pulled out of the river this morning, missing his eyes, and after some checking, she found that this guy delivered pizzas near Arkham, and that she has tracked his car. She knows the Joker is behind it, and begins to cry, asking Gordon why the Joker was still alive. Gordon wipes her tears away and she asks him about why he never had a family, to which he talks about how he never got married or had kids because he was just too busy. She tells Gordon that Thomas will do everything to make it right with those kids, but it will never be right. We cut to Gordon checking out the car, and lying to Thomas about where he’s been that day. Wayne wants to come down to the station to help Gordon, but he tells Wayne that he will call him if anything comes up, and hangs up, and walks towards Wayne Manor. We barely see a shadow in a window. Inside, we see the children crying on the floor, with the Joker standing over them. The Joker talks about joy and fear and about when one is lost, you go crazy. When you lose both, you just go mad. I’m pretty sure that’s the same thing, but I’ll let it slide. We cut to a bar in Gotham where Batman is looking for answers, and after speaking up that he didn’t see anything, former detective Harvey Bullock gets the brunt of Batman’s wrath until the bartender, Renee Montoya stops him and says that she’ll show him what he needs to see. She explains as they head into the basement that the Joker delivered a pizza to the bar, and apparently someone was dumb enough to have a slice. The idiot is tied up in the basement laughing uncontrollably. Batman puts the man out of his misery by snapping his neck, reminding us that Thomas Wayne's feelings about murdering people are similar to Bruce Wayne's feelings about endangering minors. He tells Montoya to blame him for it, and walks out. He calls Oracle to tell her about the pizza thing and she tells him she knows… she told Gordon about all this a few hours ago. Finally up to speed, he races towards Wayne Manor. Inside the darkened manor, Gordon has his weapon drawn and is checking each room in the place. Finally he hears crying and heads towards that and sees the Joker with a gun pointing it at the young boy. Gordon dives in delivering a bullet straight to the villain’s chest. The lights come up, to reveal what he hit: the female twin dressed as the Joker, standing on stilts, and duct tape covering her mouth and hands. Realizing his mistake, he runs to help the young girl, but she’s dead. A knife comes from behind Gordon as his throat is slit by the actual Joker, and we see that the Joker is, in fact, a woman. Batman gets a video message from Gordon’s phone of the young boy with Gordon’s glasses and laughing in the background. The camera pans over to Gordon, crawling towards his gun, but just as he reaches it, the Joker steps on his hand and kicks his neck more, opening the wound more, essentially killing him. We then get a close-up of the Joker’s smile which has been stitched into a permanent smile. Batman rushes inside shouting: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS TIME, MARTHA? Serious shit... I told you.
Highs: The story here has been really top notch and impressive. The noir-esque art here really works well, as does the reimagining of this new Gotham.
Lows: I would like to see more of the villains in this version. That's my only complaint... which is something.
Verdict: A. This has been a great miniseries and I anxiously await the next and final issue. If you're picking up one Flashpoint series, I'm thinking this might be the winner. Care to sum up my excitement and anticipation, Yo Gabba Gabba kid?

Flashpoint #3

Geoff Johns, Andy Kubert, and Sandra Hope

"Chapter 3:" The main series of Flashpoint focuses on The Flash, Barry Allen and his experiences in this new world. When last we left him, his attempt to become the Flash again failed misterably and his body was very badly burned. Lot to get through, so here we go.
Summary: We open to Cyborg being fired by the totally not made up for Flashpoint, President Obama, because he was unable to get the superhuman community to join him. We are informed that Steve Trevor's signal has gone down and that there must be a traitor on Cyborg's team. Obama believes it to be the Outsider, but Cyborg assures him that the Outsider has nothing to gain from any of this. As he speaks, we see the Element Woman slipping away under the door. Cutting back to Batman and Barry, the surgeon has done all that he can for Barry to save him, but he's still in bad shape. This doesn't stop him from trying to get up and try getting struck by lightning again. The further Barry gets from consciousness, the more the memories begin to alter to fit this timeline. Batman finally agrees to take him back tro the roof to be struck again, and luckily, this bolt has just what he needs, but the force sends Batman over the edge, and falls off, heading toward impalement on a castiron fence, but Barry speeds down and saves him just in time. Checking in with Lois Lane, who is hiding out in a subway system from the Amazons, we see that she is still sending messages out but is interrupted when she comes across the Resistance team of from Canterbury Cricket, plus Grifter. This makes the unexplained appearances count of that guy to 3, so far. Back at Wayne Manor, Barry's wounds are healing quickly and he is working on a new suit. Now in costume, the two jump on the computer, and Barry catches up on the world, and what has come of all his fellow heroes. WW and Aquaman are out obviously (I'm so sick of those two), Hal Jordan is just a test pilot with no ring, so he's out. So, Barry tries to find what happened to Superman. Apparently, the rocket holding the child crashed down in the center of Metropolis, killing 35,000 people. Batman says he knows someone that can get to the recovered rocket. The two meet with Cyborg, who is surprised that Batman called him back. Batman agrees to join Cyborg's hero group, under two conditions: that he get them in to check out the rocket, and that Batman picks the rest of the team, starting with Flash. Flash is upset that Batman didn't explain what the true mission was, and Batman just shrugs and says it doesn't matter, because none of this will matter when relaity is changed back. Oh good, another nihilist Batman interpretation... So Cyborg joins the two on their quest for the rocket, and the thing inside, known only as Subject 1. Along the way, we see the skeletal remains of the canine Subject 2, while Cyborg discusses how proud his father would be to know he was working with Batman. Finally, after taking out a few guard details, they find Subject 1, an emaciated, pale, weak man in a glass cage. They quickly break in and rescue the sick Kryptonian and take him to safety outside. After seeign the yellow sun, Subject 1 just flies off intot he air towards it, leaving the others to be ambushed by the security. Kinda boring ending.
Highs: I like the direction that Flashpoint is going, and this works for some building. Dialogue is pretty good as well.

Lows: The art is still just ok.
Verdict: B-. This was a pretty uneventful issue overall... hopefully just the calm before the storm. Sorry for the lack of moving pictures this time. My gif loading site is apprently having some issues.

Flashpoint: Abin Sur #2

Adam Schlagman and Felipe Massafera

"Emerald Connection:" Known as one of the most legendary Green Lanterns in all the universe, Abin Sur died on Earth, passing his ring on to Hal Jordan. Now, in the world of Flashpoint, Abin still lives, but has crashed on Earth for a completely new reason.


Summary: We open to a flashback to Sinestro and Abin training together, and we quickly see that Abin draws strength from his will, while Sinestro draws from control. Spoiler alert: He's a bad guy. Cutting back to the present, Abin is being pulled from the crash by Hal Jordan when Jordan is grabbed by government agents and pulled away. Cyborg arrives, and Abin falls from consciousness, only to wake up in a lab. Cyborg steps up and the two exchange about their missions, and Abin agrees to help Cyborg take out the Atlanteans/Amazons. Now, that the two have worked out a mission, something interesting occurs. In regular DC continuity, the president is President Diaz, and has been for a while. In the world of Flashpoint, some Obama guy is president. Not sure where they got this guy, but this doesn't seem realistic in the least. But I guess it would take an insane war, a bankrupt nation divided by insanity, and a scapegoat predecessor for us to elect this guy. Isn't Flashpoint insane? Politics aside, Joe Biden is also there... and he's checking out a blonde woman's ass. Make of that what you will. Anyway... so in a televised event, Abin appears as our first "alien" visitor. Abin heads off to scour the world for Atlantean/Amazon skirmishes and comes across the wreckage of the Ravager from the Deathstroke mini. His ring detects one life, but before he can get down to save it, Sinestro arrives on the scene. Sinestro explains that the Guardians do not know of his prescence on Earth, and that he needs to fulfill the prophecy of "Flashpoint." In case you were wondering if anyone was going to mention the event by name, put your worries to rest; it has happened. Sinestro explains that Atrocitus, who he was torturing and holding last issue, and has now executed so he cannot share the prophecy with anyone else, has told him of this prophecy, and based solely on the word of a horrible criminal, Sinestro is embracing the idea completely. Sinestro, however, wants to get ahead of the curve, and alter the past so that he can have a glorious future, but in order for that to happen, Abin must die. So the two fight, which results in Abin losing his ring hand. This makes the 50th hand that has been severed in a DC comic, so... let's give them a hand.

Wow, even I thought that joke was bad...

Highs: Interesting take, and the art is really nice
Lows: Logic... there are WAAAAY to many holes here with Sinestro.
Verdict: B-. It's just ok. Nothing special, but it certainly sets up a nice What If type gig. So, let's get some Green laser dancing to close us out...

World of Flashpoint #2

Rex Ogle and Eduardo Francisco

"This is the World We Made:" The story follows Traci 13, a teenager with magical powers, who, besides having a tattoo of the number 13 on her head, remains relatively unchanged characterwise. However, as of the last issue, her father has put together a group to blow up half the world to rid everyone of the Amazons and Atlanteans. Traci doesn't think its good to throw the humanity baby out with shitty character bathwater.

Summary: As we resume the story, Dr. 13 has Traci on the floor bleeding after hitting her in the head. After trying to talk some sense to her father, she teleports out, realizing its a lost cause. Arriving back at her friend Madame Xanadu's house, the teen finds her blind psychic friend dying on the floor. Xanadu hands Traci some tarot cards and tells her that they will lead her where she needs to go. What follows is Traci meeting a number of disconnected characters, that if put on a legitimate team, I would read every issue AND pay for them. That's how serious I am. Care to sum up my gidding feelings following reading this, boys?

• The Hermit- Traci lands in a building in Tokyo, where the entire country is patrolled by Red Tornado robots. Its too soon for an earthquake joke, so don't bother looking for one here. But I will say, in a completely unrelated way, that I love the movie Tremors. Anyway, after exploring the building she runs into an incomplete Tornado bot, who has not been painted. It is bored and lonely and is unable to wake its maker. If you've seen Edward Scissorhands, this is basically the same thing: T.O. Morrow is dead... and has been for a while. The robot won't help her until she can wake Dr. Morrow. So... no luck there.
  



• Justice- Traci ports to Brazil, where a group of rebels is fighting the Nazis. This group is led by Natasha Irons, niece to John Henry Irons aka Steel, but here she has a metal arm, and Rhianna hair. Traci slows time down so the two of them can talk. After Traci tells her of her fathers plans, Natasha thinks that its a good plan, and wishes she had family that smart. So... lost cause, pretty much.



• The Chariot- We check back with Grodd's Africa, as Traci lands on a pile of dead bodies stacked outside Namibia, and when she tries to port out, she is knocked out and chained up. She awakens, hanging from chains as three gorilla soldiers, led by Monsier Mallah, charge at the teen to eat her. She uses her magic to set the three aflame. Mallah is excited at the concept of dealing with a witch so he unleashes his pet, the feral Changeling, better known as Beast Boy. Beast Boy goes to attack Traci when he stops suddenly and turns into a fly and flies into Mallah's nose. Then expands to his human shape, blowing Mallah's head off. Wow... everytime we go to Africa, there's violence. Where's Toto when you need them? She thanks the Changeling and says she'd love to have him, but he's needed in Africa. So, we leave the depressing and poorly constructed African wars gorillallegory.
  
  Temperance- Inside a bar in Queensland, Australia, a red haired bartender stops a fight and asks two patrons to leave, citing that there is no fighting in his bar. Traci falls through the doors of a bar in and is helped up by the red haired bartender. The bartender introduces himself as Guy Gardner.

• Yeah, my thoughts too, James. He tells the teen that if she's going to start trouble she needs to leave. He opened his bar, Warriors, as a chill-out establishment, all about beers and watching sports. He explains that he was a rage-aholic long ago, but after converting to Buddhism, he moved to the most peaceful place on Earth (Man... Flashpoint is weird). Traci throws the card away and ports out, wishing him good luck on the peace.



• The High Priestess- Landing in Antartica, Traci begins to freeze, but luckily finds her person fairly quickly. Circe, the sorceress, is chained up in a cave, apparently from trying to spoil the assassination plot at Wonder Woman's wedding. Without even asking what it is, Circe turns down Traci's recruitment, and Traci begins to leave. She turns and undoes the chains binding the sorceress, and she tells Traci some important info as she goes off into the ice. She tells Traci to beware those that she chooses to support, as every person is going to try and remake reality in a way that suits them. This is accompanied by a picture of the world surrounded by the pictures of Batman, Cyborg, The Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman... and Grifter from the W.I.L.D.C.A.T.S. Huh... foreshadowing much? With a kiss on her savior's head, Circe disapears, and Traci heads out.



• The Pope- I actually had to look up what the card was for this one, because we are just shown a symbolic statue in a Gotham City cathedral. Traci is met with a young priest with black hair with a couple white streaks. I'll try and let you try and figure this one out. The priest gives her a warm blanket to warm her up and talks to her about everything. She confesses that her mentor couldn't help her and she was just on a wild goose chase. The priest notes that perhaps it wasn't about them joining her, but her learning from each of them. The priest explains his past- a troubled youth who was addicted to drugs, then joined the Brother Blood cult, only to die and be resurrected. He explains that God works in mysterious ways that all will be revealed in time. She thanks Father Todd. (Jason as a priest? Really DC?) and heads to the last location.



• The Magician- Arriving in her own home, she prepares to take her father on with magic, believing herself to be the card. This is quickly proved false as he knocks her out with an energy blast, as he is imbued with magic. Apparently, he inherited all the magic of the family. Eh ending, after all.

Highs: Very new takes on old characters, and with the exception of Nat Irons, I love every character that she interacts with. The art is really stellar here too.

Lows: Our protagonist is rather boring and whiny. Great side characters with a bad lead can kill a story/show/movie faster than anything. That's Storytelling 101, and you must pass it. Or not.

Verdict: B+. What more can I say? This seems to be required reading for Flashpoint and it has been pretty decent.

Batman and Robin #25

Judd Winnick, Greg Tocchini, and Andy Smith
"Streets Run Red: Boys' Night Out:" Picked as the second Robin, Jason Todd was universally hated by fans for being brash and in a vote, the fans decided that he should die, and a crowbar wielding Joker and explosion later, he was dead. Jump 15 years, Jason comes back by... you know what... no one knows.. he just came back. But he was also batshit insane. Taking the identity of the Red Hood, Jason took to the streets to deliver brutal justice to criminals. Constantly wavering between good and evil, Jason was finally captured and imprisoned by Batman (Dick Grayson) and Robin (Damien Wayne) after killing a gang boss with the help of his partner Scarlet, a disfigured girl. After nearly being killed in prison, Jason is busted out in an attempt to lure him to a new figure who has kidnapped his partner Scarlett. Donning the Red Hood costume again, Jason is joined by Batman and Robin in rescuing the girl.


Summary: That is a kickass cover, no question... but onto the good stuff. I like interaction with Jason and any member of the Bat family, but I love his interaction with Dick. They are basically two brothers, one who was given every chance in the world, and the other never had a chance; one could do no worong while the other could do no right. Anyway, Jason chastises Dick for adding air fresheners to the Batplane, going on about how Bruce would never have allowed for this and how Dick is just the nice Batman. Damien eloquently tells him to shut up, and Jason responds about how Robins are supposed to be the lighter side of the relationship: "But maybe puberty will loosen you up. Those feelings for girls will let your mind wander... assuming you live that long." Dick tells Jason to stop acting like a tool, and Jason relaxes, just happy to hear Batman call someone a "tool." This doesn't last long as he shoots the roof of the aircraft and jumps out, parachuting down to Scarlet's location: Thomas Wayne Middle School. The female kidnapper comes out and asks him to strip down to show he's not packing any weapons. They however do not pick up on the Bat-tracer he swallowed, as Batman and Robin land behind him and try and save the girl. She is grapped and taken off, and when Jason attempts to kill the kidnappers, Dick won't let him. As the two argue of the morality of killing, Damien goes after the girl and saves her, but Jason punches him, and grabs her and runs off to his own hidden aircraft. The Dynamic Duo give chase, but Jason blows up a traintrack, where he had planted explosives before heading to prison, just in case he needed a way out sometime. With Batman and Robin changing course to save the people, Jason and Scarlet fly off into the night together. Oh that Jason... kinda reminds me another white-streaked redhead who always has a plan:

Highs: Just the opening here has made me want to a blog dedicated to the relationship between these three characters and how they function. All three seem to be getting a major role in different comics so I can only hope that we see some more of this stuff.
Lows: Its not really a great story... pretty uneventful and not surprising in the least. The art is great in places and awful in others.
Verdict: B+. I've said it before that great dialogue can save a bad story and I think that's what we have here. Its a tired concept that still keeps its head above water because Jason Todd serves as a force of chaos, and in a lot of ways, he serves as a "Joker" to Dick. The one that's always going to be his opposite. So, that does it for Dick Grayson this week, but Jason will be appearing shortly in his new Flashpoint role. Take us out, Li'l Red Hood, Master Christmas Thief...

Secret Six #35

Gail Simone and Simon Calafiore
"Caution to the Wind:" If you are not reading this series, start. Seriously. This has one issue left before the universe explodes with the DC reboot. An antihero/antivillain team with an everchanging roster, Secret Six currently follows founding members Catman, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Scandal Savage, as well as Bane, Jeanette the banshee, King Shark, and the recently resurrected Knockout. In the last issue, we had some form of happy ending for the characters as Bane went on a date, and the others bonded as friends. Let's see how that worked out:

Summary: We open to Bane running through the snowy woods, half naked, and readers are given a shot of his neck, now outfitted with sockets for his Venom tubes. Its important to note that Bane has not used Venom regularly in nearly a decade. Catman catches up to him and the two men begin talking about Bane's sobriety from the drug, and Bane shrugs him off. Bane however stops him and asks to talk about the man they both have in common: Batman. Bane explains, as the two spar, that two things have affected him greatly. The first is what he found out in Hell, that, like the others on the team, he is destined for Hell no matter what good deeds they do. The second, is that after he and his date were attacked last week, he only began to get angry and violent when the woman was threatened. Cutting from this to Deadshot and Jeanette having sex in the kitchen, the two discuss how things have finally calmed down, but Jeanette gets a bad feeling about Catman and Bane. The two are further put off when King Shark walks in to get some food. Scandal and Knockout are also shown to be in bed, but Knockout is uninterested in anything and asks Scandal to never touch her again. Cutting back to the real action, Bane and Catman continue to spar, as Bane explains that these two events have proven that Bane is completely broken. Bane states that he went about breaking the Bat the wrong way, and that its by attacking and removing the loved ones of Batman that he is truly beaten. We skip to a meeting with all the team, where Bane has written four names on a markerboard: Robin, Red Robin, Batgirl, and Huntress. Its important that these names are shown, because only one of them matters. Jeanette protests Batgirl and Robin as they are just children. Apparently she missed that part where Robin was raised by the League of Assassins and acts as if superior to everyone he meets, or where Batgirl is a bit of a "ho"... and has already died once. Bane believes the two are just soldiers and should be treated as such... taken to vote, the "kids" get a pass. Down to two names, the group looks to Catman when Huntress is brought up, who he says is off-limits (That relationship is just too weird). So that leaves Red Robin, who everyone is fine with killing. Man, Tim cannot catch a break. They decide to split into four teams of two, while Bane takes on the Batman as a distraction. To those doing the math, that leaves the numbers off, so they will need another member (This book should be called somethig else... its only had exactly six members for maybe two issues...). And so they go after this new recruit, so you can try and guess who it is as we travel through the story. We open up on a lake front... oh, who am I kidding? Its the Penguin.... duh. So there's a huge lakeside building guarded by mines and well dressed security people. Having no idea on how to get a clear path to the house, they do what any team would do: Send a shark, who sings as he runs, on land, towards the house, triggering mines and getting shot. And so we get this beautiful moment:

That sound is an internet meme being revived in the most awesome way ever. And so, as expected, all the fire is drawn towards the bulletproof King Shark, leaving a clear path for the others to sew destruction. Once the fighting and killing ensues, Knockout gets out of her funk, and remmebers all the joys of battle, as well as her girlfriend, Scandal. Yay, happiness for those two. $5 says one of them bites it in the next issue. The Penguin is quickly nabbed and complains for a few pages about how they should just kill him, and once they do, they are beyond screwed. We then get the Penguin mocking Bane for going soft with about six jokes, over two pages, dealing with impotency. Finally, after King Shark threatens to eat one of the criminal's penguins, he agrees to help the team, and they induct him as a member. We now go live to Li'l Penguin for his thoughts:

Awesome stuff there. And that's it. Well, almost. Remember how I said this was the greatest series ever? Here's more proof. Right before the assault on Penguin's house, Deadshot is getting himself focused. Last words before throwing the mask on and running towards the house:

It's like they know exactly what I always wanted.
Highs: Every. Single. Thing.
Lows: Its getting cancelled. Not enough readers.
Verdict: A+. As the title suggests, the series is throwing everything to the wind as they finish up, with an epic "Let's go break Batman" story. Get in on this... NOW.