Secret Six #35

Gail Simone and Simon Calafiore
"Caution to the Wind:" If you are not reading this series, start. Seriously. This has one issue left before the universe explodes with the DC reboot. An antihero/antivillain team with an everchanging roster, Secret Six currently follows founding members Catman, Deadshot, Ragdoll, Scandal Savage, as well as Bane, Jeanette the banshee, King Shark, and the recently resurrected Knockout. In the last issue, we had some form of happy ending for the characters as Bane went on a date, and the others bonded as friends. Let's see how that worked out:

Summary: We open to Bane running through the snowy woods, half naked, and readers are given a shot of his neck, now outfitted with sockets for his Venom tubes. Its important to note that Bane has not used Venom regularly in nearly a decade. Catman catches up to him and the two men begin talking about Bane's sobriety from the drug, and Bane shrugs him off. Bane however stops him and asks to talk about the man they both have in common: Batman. Bane explains, as the two spar, that two things have affected him greatly. The first is what he found out in Hell, that, like the others on the team, he is destined for Hell no matter what good deeds they do. The second, is that after he and his date were attacked last week, he only began to get angry and violent when the woman was threatened. Cutting from this to Deadshot and Jeanette having sex in the kitchen, the two discuss how things have finally calmed down, but Jeanette gets a bad feeling about Catman and Bane. The two are further put off when King Shark walks in to get some food. Scandal and Knockout are also shown to be in bed, but Knockout is uninterested in anything and asks Scandal to never touch her again. Cutting back to the real action, Bane and Catman continue to spar, as Bane explains that these two events have proven that Bane is completely broken. Bane states that he went about breaking the Bat the wrong way, and that its by attacking and removing the loved ones of Batman that he is truly beaten. We skip to a meeting with all the team, where Bane has written four names on a markerboard: Robin, Red Robin, Batgirl, and Huntress. Its important that these names are shown, because only one of them matters. Jeanette protests Batgirl and Robin as they are just children. Apparently she missed that part where Robin was raised by the League of Assassins and acts as if superior to everyone he meets, or where Batgirl is a bit of a "ho"... and has already died once. Bane believes the two are just soldiers and should be treated as such... taken to vote, the "kids" get a pass. Down to two names, the group looks to Catman when Huntress is brought up, who he says is off-limits (That relationship is just too weird). So that leaves Red Robin, who everyone is fine with killing. Man, Tim cannot catch a break. They decide to split into four teams of two, while Bane takes on the Batman as a distraction. To those doing the math, that leaves the numbers off, so they will need another member (This book should be called somethig else... its only had exactly six members for maybe two issues...). And so they go after this new recruit, so you can try and guess who it is as we travel through the story. We open up on a lake front... oh, who am I kidding? Its the Penguin.... duh. So there's a huge lakeside building guarded by mines and well dressed security people. Having no idea on how to get a clear path to the house, they do what any team would do: Send a shark, who sings as he runs, on land, towards the house, triggering mines and getting shot. And so we get this beautiful moment:

That sound is an internet meme being revived in the most awesome way ever. And so, as expected, all the fire is drawn towards the bulletproof King Shark, leaving a clear path for the others to sew destruction. Once the fighting and killing ensues, Knockout gets out of her funk, and remmebers all the joys of battle, as well as her girlfriend, Scandal. Yay, happiness for those two. $5 says one of them bites it in the next issue. The Penguin is quickly nabbed and complains for a few pages about how they should just kill him, and once they do, they are beyond screwed. We then get the Penguin mocking Bane for going soft with about six jokes, over two pages, dealing with impotency. Finally, after King Shark threatens to eat one of the criminal's penguins, he agrees to help the team, and they induct him as a member. We now go live to Li'l Penguin for his thoughts:

Awesome stuff there. And that's it. Well, almost. Remember how I said this was the greatest series ever? Here's more proof. Right before the assault on Penguin's house, Deadshot is getting himself focused. Last words before throwing the mask on and running towards the house:

It's like they know exactly what I always wanted.
Highs: Every. Single. Thing.
Lows: Its getting cancelled. Not enough readers.
Verdict: A+. As the title suggests, the series is throwing everything to the wind as they finish up, with an epic "Let's go break Batman" story. Get in on this... NOW.